He frowns, and I feel it too, the way the happiness seeps out of the room with my question.Maybe I shouldn’t have asked, but as soon as the sun is up, I’m starting on an electromagnet, and I’m sending him back home. There’s no pretending it isn’t going to happen.
“I do not know that lonely is quite the way to put it,” he says. “It does not necessarilyfeellike anything.I could observe, but I did not feel, really.For me, it is almost like a different kind of consciousness.”
“Really?”
He nods.
There’s something about that explanation that I don’t like.I don't like the thought of his consciousness changing, of him being different.
I don't like the thought of him being alone, of him watching the world that he loves so much from up there, never getting to be a part of it.
Sometime in the night,we manage to pull ourselves from bed and shower. And then we fall back into each other’s arms, and I watch Star sleep, not willing to let him go for even a second.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
“You are sure this will work?”Star asks as I set up the electromagnet.I have two of them. I figured that with two boosts, it might create something closer to a portal. A stargate, likeMarty said.
I couldn't even say if that matters or not.I'm not sure of anything.
My finger on the switch of one magnet,I look up at Star.He stands in front of me, shirtless, eyes on mine, hands clenched into fists.
His skin is bright blue today.A perfect sky.
I straighten away from the machine.
Star shakes his head slowly.“I do not want to go.”
I step around the machine to get to him, putting my hands on his shoulders. I want to touch every inch of him, to memorize the feel of him.
“You have to.If you stay here…” I can't bring myself to say it.
His dark eyes travel over my face.A tear slides out, iridescent, shining like a ray of sun.I reach up to brush it away.
“I’ll be happy knowing you exist somewhere, Starlight. That you're up there and okay.”
His chin wobbles. “Perhaps I will not be okay without you.”
“You will be. I know you will.”
His hands come up to fist in my shirt.“Mason, please.”
I press up on my tiptoes and kiss him.This time, when I taste salt, I'm not sure if it's his tears or mine.
I can't look at him when I step back. I keep my eyes on the ground as I turn back to the machine closest to us.My throat is so tight I'm afraid I might vomit.My hand shakes as I turn on the first magnet.
I walk over to the other magnet and set my finger on the switch. I take a deep breath and look up at him. I can’t keep myself from it. Just one last glimpse.
His eyebrows curve in, like confusion, like sadness.Like desperation.I feel it echoed in my own skin.
I squeeze my eyes shut and flip the switch.
When I open them again, he's gone.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
“I’ve been thinking a lot about that, um, problem of yours.”
I stop chewing my cheese cracker and glance over at Marty,who's sidled up to the snack table beside me in the library's basement.I don't like him referring to Star as a problem.
