“We bet that you’d still go whacko, even if Laila was a lesbian and you’ve done that.” Onyx grinned.
Laila had told me she didn’t care who knew; she was just wary of the schoolkids finding out. I’d had to put a few of these idiots straight when they taunted me about boys.
“Laila’s going to bring home someone Jody will love, and you’ll be screwed,” Inglorious goaded.
“Fuckin’ hate you. Cut him off,” I ordered Alice, who shook her head and promptly took Inglorious another beer.
“Traitor!” I boomed, and Alice shrugged. “If shotguns are off-limits, what about a handgun?”
“No,” Bunny declared from the end of the bar.
“Why not?” I almost whined. “Baseball bat! I’ll do what that guy did in Walking Dead and wrap it in barbed wire. Let a bitch fight that.”
Alice shook her head and reached up and slapped the back of my head. “No!”
“You’re spoiling my fun. I’ve every right to protect my baby.”
“Not with weapons. Will you chase a girl because she’s dating Lars?”
“Nope, my boy’s gonna score!” I chortled, and Alice took the bat from behind the bar and whacked me hard.
“Your boy’s going to score, but Laila can’t? Aren’t they the same age?” Alice hit me again as Bunny shouted encouragement. “How dare you stand in front of Bunny and me and crow about your double standards?” Whack!
“Stop, that shit hurts!” I yelled.
“I’m taking Laila to an adult store and will buy her a shitload of sex toys, strap-ons, bullets, wands,” Bunny threatened as Alice slammed me a fourth time. In between staring at Bunny in horror and trying to grab the damn thing, Alice beamed me in the forehead. I staggered back and sat heavily on the floor. My sweet Alice pointed the bat.
“Magic, I ever hear such misogynistic crap from you again, I’ll be using the excavator myself. You’ll be the one buried ten feet down,” Bunny threatened. It was a terrifying threat because of how calm she was.
“Pyro is a bad influence. He needs dealing with,” I threatened, and Bunny laughed.
“Magic, you’re overreacting. Laila can take care of herself,” Alice stated, and I scowled.
“She’s my baby girl. You’re my big girls, and I don’t like your husbands getting handsy.” I glowered at Diesel and Pyro, who both smirked. “I’ll cut your fuckin’ hands off!”
“Magic, go play with some gunpowder,” Alice said, patting my arm.
Was she being patronising? I became incensed. “You better not be doing freaky shit with my daughters,” I hissed at Diesel and Pyro. Their smirks grew.
A growl escaped. “Listen up fuckers, I’ve got dynamite waistcoats, and I know where you fuckers live, work, and relax.”
Diesel looked worried while Pyro considered that.
“Yeah, I’ll take my chances. Harming me hurts Bunny, and you won’t do that. You’d rather cut your own throat.” Diesel perked up.
A wicked grin crossed my lips. “Yup, but my girls don’t need your balls intact. I know how to make you sterile,” I threatened. “Two bricks without anaesthesia.” I pinched two fingers and thumb together and kissed them, flicking my fingers outwards.
Around the bar, men grabbed their groins. “Why?” Diesel howled.
“You’re a sick bastard, Magic,” Onyx stated, and I grinned. Everyone had better remember that! Now, how to protect Laila from randy bitches?
Jody
“Hey, are you here to distract the lunatic?” Alice inquired hopefully as I entered the bar.
“What?” I asked with a smile. Alice could only be referring to Magic.
“Magic’s lost the plot. Apparently, Bunny and I don’t have sex, and our children were created through immaculate conception. Plus, he’s researching ways to chase off randy bitches. And he might also be bruised after I beat him with a bat,” Alice stated.
