“I’m sorry? What…? She wants to date you?” I probably sound like a stammering lunatic, but this is the first I’ve heard of this woman who’s interested in my packmate. And while we clearly don’t have any rules about dating in the pack, we always talk before we consider bringing anyone in who might not mesh well.
Spencer’s laugh is deep and booming as he finally stops and turns to look down at me. He wraps his arm tight around my shoulders again, leading me towards the car. “Nope. She wouldn’t be caught dead out in public with me. But she’s brushed up against my dick several times ‘on accident’ during her training.” He makes air quotes with his fingers to emphasize the point. “Honestly, I keep thinking I should tell Kelly and just get her membership revoked, but Hope keeps apologizing andsaying she won’t do it again. I don’t know. I don’t want to be mean, but it’s really uncomfortable.”
He’s looking off into the distance as he talks, not letting me meet his eyes, and I know it’s more than uncomfortable for him. I have half a mind to march back in and give the little tramp a piece of my mind. But that would probably embarrass Spencer.
Instead, I’ll be calling or sending an email to Kelly tonight. The entire pack owns the gym, but she runs most of the business aspect and I doubt she would stand for one of their employees being sexually harassed. I wrap my arm under his, offering a half hug and he leans into me, nearly knocking us both over. He mumbles a quick, “Sorry,” before straightening and opening the driver side door for me.
It’s just another one of his weird little habits he has, apologizing for everything. If I had to guess, it probably comes from feeling so out of place in the home he grew up in, but my degree isn’t in psychology, and I’m not about to psychoanalyze my pack members—I have enough of my own baggage to deal with.
He walks around the car and Nadine settles noticeably as he lowers his big body into the passenger seat. But he has a huge grin when he asks, “How come I can fit in your car without bonking my head? It looks so short.” He’s deflecting from our earlier conversation, I know he doesn’t want to talk about it. He doesn’t like to make a fuss. Rather, he worries that anything negative he says will be seen as complaining, even speaking up for himself.
I scoff at his attempts. “Tardis technology, it’s bigger on the inside.” He gives me a confused little smile. He doesn’t get the reference, and it’s not quite right, anyway. Nadine is an old Volkswagen Beetle, so German not British. Still, I would be remiss to let that joke pass without attempting it.
“But you’re ignoring my earlier question. Are you interested in Hope? Do you want to date her, or is she harassing you? If so, you need to talk to Kelly.” His eyes squeeze shut, like the idea of talking to his crush about some strange woman accosting him is embarrassing. I don’t let him argue. “Well, then, at least talk to Steve or Teddy. I’m sure Garret would be more than happy to remove her from the facility if she’s actually touching you without consent. That isn’t ok, Spencer. That’s never ok. But if youareinterested in her, we won’t stop you. We just want to know if you might be bringing someone into the pack. Or, if you’re just interested in a fling, that’s fine too, as long as it’s your choice.”
Spencer’s expression is strained. “No, no, I don’t want…” He releases a heavy sigh and his shoulders slump. “I’ve never…I want my first time to be with someone I care about. I don’t want to just have sex for the sake of it, ok? Hell, if I just want to come, I can do that myself. But someone else is a big step, and I want it to mean something…to be with somebody who’s gonna stick around. Ya’ know?”
I blink in surprise…It never occurred to me that Spencer might be a virgin. He always had girls talking to him at the college. How did I not know this?
Thankfully, the car is still mostly warm as we buckle in, and he stretches behind me to pull the bag of food off the floor. He starts pulling out containers as we’re driving. While part of me wants to warn him not to spill anything in my car, he’s still deep in thought, and I’m reluctant to disturb his peace. Despite outward appearances, Spencer thinks deep and hard. Anything important is given due consideration before he’ll give an opinion. I think that’s why relationships affect him so much. If he deems someone to be his friend, he goes all in.
He hums in approval as he lifts the top off his soup and sips directly from the container. Gross, but I’ll allow it. After a fewmoments, he puts the lid back on and re-situates the bag full of food on the floorboard between his feet. He looks as if he’s come to some sort of decision. “So, Al, you gonna tell me what really happened between you and Emily last month?” I bite back a bitter retort because this isn’t about me, or at least it’s not supposed to be.
He meets my glare head-on though. “Not so easy, is it? We let ourselves keep secrets because that’s what we’re comfortable with. It’s why you didn’t know how I felt about Kelly until she was already mated. It’s why we didn’t even know you were dating Emily until a few weeks before you broke up. It’s why I don’t know if Paul has even looked at a girl in the last six years we’ve been living together.” I blink in response because I didn’t realize they had been together so long. Now I feel old, dammit.
“It’s not just you. I’d be fine being in a relationship with someone else with you or Paul, but I don’t want to bang either of you, and I’m pretty sure the feeling’s mutual. I’ve never seen a dick and thought, ‘Yeah, that’s for me.’ It’d probably be different if it was a scent match or something. Hell if I know how that works. I mean, Teddy smells great, but I can’t imagine sleeping with him. Well, not without Kelly between us…eww…now that just feels gross. Forget I mentioned them.”
He shakes himself hard, causing Nadine to rock back and forth as we pull into our parking spot at the apartment, but neither of us moves to get out of the car, and Spencer can’t seem to leave the subject well enough alone. “Ugh, my point is, I love you guys…you’re my family. Though unlike my actual siblings, I could see being in a relationship with you around someone else. Eww, need some brain bleach. Wait, where was I? Oh, yeah. No, I’d love to find someone we could all be together with, but girls like Hope, they aren’t looking for a relationship with a guy like me. They think I might be fun because I’m big and they think I’m stupid. Heck, maybe they’re right…But I want to wait forsomeone who actually cares about me, preferably about us as a pack. Also, Garret assured me that it’s ok to wait. He said the one thing you don’t want to do is stick your dick in crazy…I’m not sure what that means, but it sounds like good advice.”
Thank goodness we’ve parked because I’m laughing so hard that I can’t breathe, and it’s almost certain Nadine would have been in an accident if we were still moving. Spencer is grinning at me once I’m able to focus my eyes again enough to see him. His smile softens from the big, dopey exuberance to one that looks slightly sad. “You should know I’d never bring anybody home without telling you guys. Even Kelly. I liked her, and I know you’re not a fan of omegas so I thought she’d be cool. But Paul doesn’t like to talk about any sort of romantic relationship. Y’all are the most important people in my life. I wouldn’t risk that for anything.”
Nodding at him, I rub my hand down his arm. Even with all of Nadine’s headroom, he’s still broad-shouldered. He easily accepts my attempts at affection, scooping the bag out of the floor as he climbs out of my tiny car. The only reason all three of us can fit in here is because Paul is wiry as shit and sits sideways in the backseat most of the time. Gods help us if anyone else ever wants to join our pack.
Spencer heads for the stairs leading to our apartment without looking back, and I’m pretty sure he embarrassed himself a little bit there. As I watch him unlock and walk through our front door, I’m again struck by how curious it is that these alphas have shared their life and home with me. Not that I was homeless before. There is less expensive housing near the university that I shared with other roommates, until Spencer and Paul adopted me. Nadine wasn’t able to hold a lot when I moved, so renting a single room worked fine. But allowing a near stranger into your space, let alone giving up your room to sleep on the couch, would be a huge thing for anyone. But not Spencer.
I need to make things up to him; he doesn’t deserve my shitty attitude. It’s not his fault that Emily wasn’t interested in a pack, or what she called a “stupid kid and redneck cop.” She is more than welcome to her opinions and preferences on relationships, but I’m not going to sit by and let anyone insult my packmates. I don’t care how I feel about them otherwise. These men are my family now, and while I know my original family loves me, there were too many emotional tripwires involved there to stay nearby after everything else.
Resolving myself to having a painful discussion after dinner, I reach over and lock the passenger door before stepping out of Nadine myself. The thought of my car having anything worth stealing in it is absurd, but some of the local kids have been known to play pranks on Paul for being a police officer. Though he takes it all in stride and has an amazing sense of humor about it.
Still, better not to invite trouble, and while they are usually harmless, I don’t want to subject my poor little auto to being filled with balloons…or shaving cream. She doesn’t have his cruiser’s leather seats, and I don’t think I could handle that scent soaking into the fabric. Plus, I’d have to throttle some little shit who messed with my baby.
Chapter 14
Sarah was mostly right about it not being a long car ride; three hours isn’t as long as it could be. While I’d rather have taken the Amtrak, someone would have to pick us up from the station, and then we’d be stuck if things went south. My girl seems really nervous about having her family meet me, going so far as to call them repeatedly and tell them they have to be nice to her beta mate. It makes me feel a bit like a freak, actually. But if it helps her comfort level, then I can deal with it.
We’ve actually been on the road for about five hours now, but half of that was just trying to get out of the damned city. Of course, no one drives in L.A. Have you seen the traffic? Her parents actually live a lot closer, just outside Pasadena, but we’re going to her grandparents’ house, though she calls them Abuela and Abuelo since they’re her mom’s parents. She spent all of last night assuring me that she has both alpha and beta family on hermom’s side that’ll be there, so I won’t be the only beta. Plus, her sibling’s packs have a few betas interspersed.
Her main concern seems to be making sure I’m comfortable, but I’m not flying home or lying to my own family to avoid the holiday, so I’m honestly good with whatever. I get to be with her, so I have no complaints. She’s been as nervous as a long-tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs for the last few days, and it’s getting progressively worse the closer we get. If I’d known it was gonna stress her out this much, I’d have made more of a push to stay on campus. I hate my girl being so on edge.
“So, go over names again, your brothers and sisters? What should I call your parents? Or your grandparents, for that matter. Do I need to learn all your cousin’s names, ’cause from what you’ve told me, I should have started before we left the dorm if so.” Her strained chuckle makes my heart clench as my attempts to help her laugh and relax fall flat. I guess thinking about all the people isn’t super helpful. I can deal with people, I can even be pleasant about it, but I’m already looking forward to getting back to her room at the center and just holding her, when she can relax again.
“Oh, there’s the driveway. Turn left up there at the sign.” Looks like we’ve reached the point of no return as I throw the blinker on and turn into the long dirt road. It’s another half a mile before the house comes into view, and honestly, that’s a bit of an understatement.
It looks like it started out as a two story…I don’t know house types. It has that funky tan plaster-looking outside with the tiled roof, like the magic house from Encanto. Yes, I watched that movie, several times. The music was amazing, and being the outcast is relatable. Everybody brings upWe Don’t Talk About Bruno, but seriously,Surface Pressureis life-changing.
We pull up and park beside a big trailer, and my minivan looks tiny in comparison. Sarah laughed till I thought she wasgoing to hyperventilate when she first saw the Big Blue Beast, or just Bs, and asked why the hell I drive a mom-mobile. Now she understands that I can fit all my instruments and her drum kit in the back and still have space for the second seat. Minivans are seriously underrated.
She’s faster than I am getting out of Bs. She lifts Shaggy’s carrier out of the backseat and then stands there, frozen, as I circle around to her side. There’s loud laughter and talking coming from inside. The front windows are open to the cool afternoon breeze, and it’s a stark reminder of where I come from—it’s probably below freezing this time of year, everybody wearing heavy coats and complaining about the weather. I don’t even know where my heavy coat went since I moved to Los Angeles. Do I even still have that?
