Our youngest member isn’t wrong. I didn’t think we’d be seeing Alistair tonight, or if we did, he’d have the new beta he’s been courting with him. He was supposed to be out on a date with Emily. She said she wanted to get more serious, and he insisted that before things went any further that she meet and get to know his pack.
Even if she isn’t interested in Spencer or me, we’re still a part of Alistair’s life. He explained to her before they started dating that he had a pack, but she said that was fine; she was only interested in him. That’s not a problem—we’ve discussed dating outside the pack, but always with the understanding that before things get serious, they have to be able to deal with the fact that we’re a unit. Our pack isn’t breaking up. Still, he looks like he’s been run through the wringer already.
Alistair closes the door and flips the deadbolt before walking across the room and flopping onto the couch. He lets himself drop face-first into Spence’s pillow and pulls the blanket over his head. His only response to our questions is a muffled groan. Spence leaves off looking for a place to put his new kitchen toy and goes over to the couch, pulling the bundled-up Alistair into his lap and starting to purr.
Arms flail, trapped by blankets as the smaller alpha tries to free himself from our exuberant packmate. “For god’s sake, man, I’m not an omega! That doesn’t work on me!” The muffled shouting coming from our head alpha doesn’t dissuade Spence in the least.
“Well, Kelly said she likes it when Sam or Teddy purr for her. I thought it might help. I don’t know this stuff.” Instead of letting the smaller man go, he starts rocking back and forth as Alistar’shead finally pops free from the blanket. His eyes look drowsy despite his argument.
“Then maybe you should go purr for Kelly and get the hell off me. I don’t appreciate being manhandled!” Spence’s face falls, and he slides out from under the bundled alpha. The poor guy looks like he wants to cry as he mumbles under his breath, his feet shuffling against the worn carpet as he hurries to the bathroom. The door clicks quietly behind him.
All I can do is glare at Alistar, who looks both frustrated and sorry. But the damage is done. Spence really liked the girl, more than he let anybody know, including her apparently. From what I can tell, he wasn’t even on her radar, other than as someone she had class with. Not that I’ve dug super deep, but while he works for Pack Carpenter now, and Kelly is always kind to him, it never seems anything other than friendly.
Alistair runs his hands down his face before dropping them to hang off his thighs. “Shit. Sorry…to both of you. It was just…Fuck! I really liked Emily. I thought she actually wanted to be with me…maybe with us. But…ugh!” He brings his hands back up, slapping them on his cheeks and rubbing hard against his pale skin. “Fuck a duck. I didn’t mean to take it out on him, and I know I shouldn’t have brought her up. It feels weird, alright? Having somebody else purr for you? Is it just me? I don’t know. And after this afternoon, I just…Shit, I need to go apologize.”
Chapter 5
He wasn’t trying to hurt me.
Logically, I know that, but my brain doesn’t always logic well. So, since I know that none of my pack would try to make me feel bad, why is it still so painful? Sometimes I feel like such an idiot. A big, stupid, lumbering dolt that can’t even talk to people. I try…I want to talk to people…but I always say the wrong thing. It’s only adults, though. I can talk to kids just fine.
That’s why I want to be a teacher. Kids are awesome! They’reallpotential; they can do anything they want.Beanything they want to be, and I want to help with that. I want to help them learn who they are. I love my family, but they’re all betas and my teachers were all betas in high school. Maybe if I’d had someone I could talk to who knew what I was going through, I wouldn’t be so bad at being an alpha now.
A soft knocking behind me draws my mind out of this stupid, morose spiral. Al’s voice is slightly muffled through the cheap wooden door. “Hey, Spence. I’m…I’m sorry, man. You didn’t do anything wrong. Well, I mean…it was awkward, but…Listen, can you just open this door so I can apologize to your face? I feel like even more of a dipshit trying to say sorry to this flimsy ass thing.”
I turn around and wedge the door ajar around my oversized body. The damned thing pulls in, and you have to nearly stand on the toilet to open it from this side…or maybe just be tiny. I could stand in the shower, but then my socks might get wet, and nobody likes wet socks. Al is standing just on the other side, and he looks like shit. Not that I’d tell him that. Nobody wants to hear how bad they look, especially if they look bad.
Gonna guess the date didn’t go well then. Plus, I know he’s sensitive about his designation. People mistake him for an omega sometimes, and maybe my purring just made it worse. I don’t know. Not like I can help it. It just happens when I’m worried, or stressed…or happy. I try to stop, but it just comes out. My sisters all think it’s funny, but they don’t have to deal with it. Not that girl alphas are common…
Shit.
What was I doing again?
Fuck…Al!
I look down at my pack leader. His family isnormal—five alpha dads, an omega mom, and three older alpha brothers. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a little jealous sometimes. My family did the best they could, and they’re super supportive. But I still feel kinda dumb ’cause there’s a lot of stuff I don’t know.
Still, he stands there, looking mostly frustrated, but also kinda lost and sad. I don’t like my people to be sad; they should always be happy, or at least content. I don’t know if any of us are really happy at this point. Paul’s been stuck on his ex for years—well,she wasn’t exactly an ex; they weren’t really together—and Al keeps looking for…something; he doesn’t seem to know what or who he wants.
Ijust want somebody to love, somebody who can love us back, somebody I can finally be enough for, not just a huge walking screw-up.
That’s why Kelly’s such a sore spot. I’m happy she’s happy. She’s sweet and kind and amazing. She never asked me for anything, and being near her was just peaceful. Except I was always worried she was gonna get hurt ’cause, I swear, that girl trips on air. Not that we were great friends, but I still kept an eye out for her. I wanted to ask her out, but she was always so busy, and I’m not good at talking to people.
Still, she’s the first girl in forever who’s just been friends with me, not asking for anything. She didn’t want me to sneak her into football games or “try out” an alpha—that one’s always cringy.
I can’t imagine any of my sisters ever saying that.
I don’t want to.
Gag!
Shit, I keep getting distracted. Al needs me. He’s still waiting patiently at the door. Well, mostly patiently. He’s got that little line between his eyebrows that says he’s giving me time to work something out for myself. I don’t usually need that; my train of thought just gets derailed sometimes.
“Sorry…for purring at you, I mean.” I mumble out the apology I think he wants and his face falls.
“No, Spence, it’s not you. Truly. I’m just…I thought that Emily wanted to take the next step, but when I asked her to meet you and Paul, she balked. She said she’s not interested in a pack, and I told her I can only be with someone who would accept that you’re both a part of my life. She never has to have the same sortof relationship with you that she does with me, but she said it was her or you.”
My face must show my shock, because he reaches for me, taking my hand. “No, Spencer, you know I don’t react well to ultimatums. We aren’t together anymore. But Ihadseriously thought she might be the one.”
