not really. neither me or Zayne are very musical, so it’s not like we’ll get the leads again. it’s kinda nice. at least I won’t have to worry about any drama this time around.
Me
nope. I’m currently the only one she’s hated recently.
Dot
not anymore though! I saw the LB post…you went out with her and Carlton?
Me
yeah, I’m just glad she forgave me
At least, for now.
And my thoughts are still in a swirl over Carlton coming to talk to me tonight. Alone. The way he was asking me about Ezra felt almost like he was jealous. But that doesn’t make sense. He doesn’t like me that way, and even if he suddenly did, I would never pursue him and betray Meredith.
Still, the idea of him being jealous, or experiencing just a little bit of the pain I went through at the sight of him withsomeone else, feels better than it should. But that feeling is short-lived and quickly replaced by guilt when I remember what Mom always says about revenge, and how it only hurts the person trying to get it.
“The Lord wants us to forgive, not get even,” she’s said more times than I can count.
Deep down, I know she’s right.Please help me not to have a heart of revenge, God, but a heart of forgiveness,I silently pray.And I know I’m lying to everyone with this new fake identity, but please. Help the guilt to go away.
The next day, I sign up for the crew while all my friends are auditioning. Disappointment sits in my stomach like a weight.
I’m still a wallflower in the one place I could have shined. The stage is the one place I’m comfortable being more than just the quiet girl who stares at everyone.
I haven’t even told my mom yet because I know this will let her down. I won’t be branching out and turning heads like she’s always wanted me to.
I keep it to myself all week, and when the parts for Miss Fern’s musical are announced, I scan the list in the green room. With surprise, I notice both Dot and Zayne got roles with minor singing parts, despite Dot’s claim that the two of them aren’t very musical. I bet their acting had a lot to do with it. Dot and Zayne are both fantastic, so Miss Fern probably couldn’t resist the opportunity to showcase them before they both go off to Underwood Academy next year.
I see Meredith’s and Carlton’s names at the top of the list for the lead roles, followed by Mabel right after.
They did it.I can’t help but beam with excitement, because I know how hard they both worked for this.They finally did it.
And then Meredith appears at my shoulder, grinning at the list.
“I knew it,” she says, almost breathless. “Carlton and I stayed up forever going over our songs. I told him we had this.”
Carlton steps up beside us a moment later, looking smug in that effortless way of his. “You should have heard her, Rue. She sounded insane.” He bumps her shoulder with his. “In a good way.”
Meredith laughs, then glances at me. “Honestly, this whole musical thing has been so crazy. It’s like Miss Fern flipped the entire department upside down.”
“Seriously,” Carlton says. “Nobody was expecting to have to sing. Good thing some of us can.”
Some of us.
The words scrape more than they should.
I continue perusing the names on the list, feeling downtrodden when mine is nowhere to be found. Of course it’s not, though, because I didn’t audition. Still, I want to know what I’ll be doing behind the scenes.
With my eyebrows etched into a deep frown, I make my way to the drama classroom, which is separate from the theater, practically stomping up the long, wooden staircase in the process. My footsteps echo in the narrow, ancient corridors, despite all the other students making their way to their next classes. Their stomping has nothing on mine.
When I get there, Miss Fern is sorting papers on her desk, and Ezra’s basketball coach is sitting in one of the student desks. They’re both laughing at something together, and my cheeks burn when they notice my intrusion. It very much feels like I’m interrupting something private.
“Oh, hi, Rue.” Miss Fern’s smile slowly fades, but her cheeks remain bright pink. “Can I help you with something?”
I fidget with my hands. “I, um, came to talk to you about the musical.”
