“About tonight with you. She interrogated me while I was getting ready and implied I’m a masochist, which, apparently, I didn’t inherit from her.”
Ouch. I frown.
The movie keeps going, and Corinne makes some snarky comment about the villain’s eyebrows. Olivia tosses popcorn at her, and my mom announces she’s going to bed with a dramatic sigh about how “these kids never let me finish a movie in peace.”
I turn back to Rue. “So, uh, what did you tell your mom about tonight?”
“Just that we’re having dinner. But she knows we’re…dating.” Rue bites her lip, making my blood rush. Her mouth is so close to my face that my stomach flips.
“What did she say to that?”
Rue swallows. “She said she just doesn’t want me to get hurt and go back to the version of myself who took forever to branch out and make new friends again.”
That lands like a punch to the chest. I feel like I’m breathing through sand. “Rue, I would never…I hated myself for what happened. I still do.”
Rue looks down at her hands and presses her lips together like she’s thinking.
“Thank you. That means a lot, Ez.” Rue leans closer, shoulder brushing mine. “And this is nice and all, but I should probably get going.”
I nod. “Okay. I’ll take you home.”
As she says goodbye to everyone and we walk to my car, the cool air wakes me up a little. That haze I was just in with her is already slipping away, and I’m desperate to somehow hold onto it.
But I know I can’t.
There’s no holding onto something I killed a long time ago.
But still…I wish I could.
Chapter 16
Rue
It feels impossible to focus on Monday afternoon’s rehearsal. To my surprise, the novelty of the sound booth hasn’t worn off, despite being forced to watch this musical unfold instead of acting and singing in it. I’ve actually been enjoying this aspect of theater more than I thought I would. The only problem is Miss Fern’s dialogue and song lyrics being so cringey that seeing Meredith and Carlton trying to make them work is painful. I mean, the second-hand embarrassment is bad enough. But I know if anyone can take this shoddy musical our young, loopy instructor put together and make it passable, it’s my friends. I adjust a dial on the board and glance at the stage.
Thanks to the light crew up in the rafters, the stage lights throw warm pools of gold across the floor. The sound of Meredith’s and Carlton’s sneakers squeaks against the stage throughout rehearsal. Thanks to all the cues, I’m plenty distracted the entire time with my duty, despite the way my focus keeps wanting to drift to Ezra sitting next to me.
Things feel different between us since I had dinner at his house last night. I’ve been thinking about it nonstop, and I may or may not have skipped lunch to avoid seeing him at my table.But now, being trapped in a tiny booth with him and his clean laundry and cologne smell, my heart has absolutely no chill.
No. This wasn’t supposed to happen. I wasn’t supposed to feel at home with his family and remember all the reasons I miss him.I wasn’t supposed to feel anything, especially not when his gaze devoured mine as he told me he’s always seen me.
But I do.
Ezra peeks at me from the corner of his eye when rehearsal ends. “You good? I feel like I haven’t seen you all day.”
“Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”
He arches an eyebrow. A little smirk is already on his lips. “Really? Because it kinda seems like you’re avoiding me.”
“No way. Not me.”
He laughs. “That was very convincing.”
“I just need to clear my head. Especially when it comes to you.”
“Yeah, I get that. I’m sorry if you still hate me for what I did to you all those years ago.” Ezra winces. “I hate myself for it, too. But I need you to believe me. I will never hurt you again, and I’m more sorry than you know.”
My heart goes still. Is that what he thinks is wrong? Little does he know it’s the opposite, that I like him too much, if anything. “Thank you. I don’t hate you, Ez. Maybe I did once, but I don’t anymore.”
