“Probably not in this lifetime.” He slid his hand across the table and folded his fingers over her clenched fist. “Faith in Jesus is about trusting that what happens here on earth will be reconciled in Heaven.”
She’d heard similar sentiments from her pastor and others over the years. It didn’t diminish the loss or even the hurt. But for some reason, in this moment, the words did offer comfort. Or did the balm come from Colt himself? There was something reassuring about him, about his steadfast belief.
She stared at where their hands met. What would it be like to have someone in her life who knew her? Whom she could fully trust? Someone she was willing to risk letting into her heart?
Talk about a pipe dream.
Even if there was some sort of future where she and Colt might explore the currents of attraction running circles around them, they both had very precarious jobs that put them in the line of fire. She couldn’t go through another loss.
Unaccountably sad, she slipped her hand away and began clearing the table, aware of his inscrutable gaze. He moved to help, which only endeared him to her more, and they worked in companionable silence.
When the dishes were done and the kitchen back in order, she said, “We should take the dogs out back.”
She led the way to the back door and opened it wide. Haven jumped up from her bed under the front window and raced outside. Rusk was right after her. She and Colt stepped out onto the small back porch. The grassy area was enclosed with a white picket fence. It was the closest she would ever get to that sort of life. A thought that usually didn’t bother her. Tonight, strangely, it did. Why was that?
As she and Colt stood side by side in the dark, watching over the dogs, she gave voice to a question that plagued her mind. “Do you ever doubt God?”
“Yes,” he admitted softly. “Faith is not a destination, it’s a journey. Every day, I have to be intentional about releasing what I can’t control.”
She let his words wrap around her, seeping into the bruised places of her heart.
“Intentional,” she said, rolling the word around in her brain. “I like that. Sometimes I’m selfish. I forget that there’s more to this life than just me or the circumstances I find myself in.”
“Somehow, I doubt you could ever be selfish,” he said. “You wouldn’t be as good at your job if you didn’t care about others. If you didn’t work toward the greater good. Don’t sell yourself short.”
His arms slid around her shoulders, and she stiffened. He turned her to face him. The moon’s glow didn’t reveal more than the planes of his face, the shape of his mouth, in the dark. But she watched his lips move as he said, “You’re a good person, Maren Anderson. Don’t ever lose hope.”
Sudden tears pricked her eyes. She could feel herself leaning toward him. Her breath caught. What was happening?
A deep yearning to kiss him welled inside her chest.
Alarm bells went off in her head.
No, no, no.
It was all the frantic adrenaline of the last seventeen hours. She was getting caught up in the moment. She was finding herself attracted, not only physically but also emotionally, to this man. She couldn’t allow it. Too much was at stake.
Her sister. The mission to take down a dangerous drug kingpin. The urgency to stop an illegal adoption ring preying on young moms-to-be.
Her heart.
Allowing something to happen between her and Colt would compromise their judgment. Even a simple kiss would be too much.
She turned away and whistled, drawing Haven immediately to her side. Rusk raced forward to sit beside his partner.
“We need to get some sleep,” she said briskly. “Six a.m. will come pretty quickly. We’ll need to make a quick stop at the task force headquarters to check out an official vehicle before we go to the mission.”
Slowly, he released her and stepped back. His voice was just as curt. “Rusk and I will be ready.”
EIGHT
The next morning, after toast and a cup of coffee, Maren felt more in control of her emotions. Though she’d been up and ready before six, because she’d had a horrible night’s sleep. Her brain would not turn off. She’d tossed and turned with her mind whirling with thoughts of Opal and Shadow. And mostly of Colt.
She’d wanted to kiss him last night.
A lapse she could not afford.
She needed to stay focused. Keep her edge in case Shadow’s men showed up.
