“There is an elementary sampling technique Lizzy taught me that is not very random or precise but gives useful results,” Mary said. “You periodically observe an activity and make a note of what is happening at that moment. For small samples, you can keep track in your head, and jot it down in categories using tally marks[vi]. Bigger samples require paper and pencil, of course. You make a histogram[vii] of the results and present it in any number of useful forms. It is best to gather the data in detailed form and combine results that seem related. There is a brand-new device called a pie chart[viii] that I find particularly appealing.”
“And what did you conclude, Miss Mary? You need not present your results graphically.”
“The biggest category I classify asnoise. It is when people discuss things everyone already knows just to observe the forms or fill time. This includes weather, roads, clothing, fashion, bonnets, ribbons, lace, andgossip—most of which is noise to start with—then is endlessly repeated until it takes on a thin veneer of faux respectability.”
She paused before her coup de grace. “I estimated that category consumes a full 79% of my observations.”
“Mary is more critical of our society than I,” Elizabeth said. “The same observations found a considerably smaller number, so there is room for personal bias in the analysis.”
“What percentage did you find, Miss Elizabeth?”
“77%.”
Everyone laughed. “Shall I answer your question, ladies?” Newton asked.
“If you please.”
“What do you suppose happens to your coach and driver all this time?”
Both ladies, much to their chagrin, replied, “We never thought about it.”
“Do not be troubled. You cannot concern yourself with every little thing. We see to the horses, park the carriage, give them water and grain and the like, then we do… preciselynothing. Some men join the servants in the house, but they are generally too busy to spend time with us, especially when they have visitors. We might join the stable hands, but the same thing applies. Many dice or gossip, with about the same amount of noise as your ladies’ visits. Some, though—well, some of us prefer other occupations to pass the time.”
“Fascinating,” Elizabeth said.
“The Longbourn coachman, Mr Simonson, is a lover of poetry. Kep loves the classics, and I enjoy mathematics. We share a library among ourselves.”
Elizabeth and Mary clapped their hands in glee, and the blankets slipped open enough to let the chill back in.
Fortunately, Kep had rummaged in the wagon as his father talked, and now he jumped down carrying two greatcoats, with a smirk any misbehaving boy would be proud of. He asked permission, slipped one coat on each lady, wrapped the blankets around them again, and stood back in satisfaction.
Mr Newton said, “Ladies, you recall that I said Ihardly everengaged in murderous tendencies?”
“We applaud your forbearance.”
“The key phrase ishardly ever. Sometimes, exceptions must be made. My profession demands it. I will ask you a question that I already know the answer to. Was that Mr Bingley’s coach that splashed you, and were the passengers aware of what happened?”
Murderous Tendencies
Both looked askance and Mary said, “I am not entirely certain I can bring myself to speak ofmurderous tendencies.”
Elizabeth said, “I would prefer to know what you mean as well.”
“My apologies; I exaggerate. I will notmurderanyone—just ensure that they know the standards of conduct for our profession. That man did not just inconvenience you and your laundry maid. He put your lives at risk! He put his employer’s life and reputation at risk. Given enough rope, he will eventually harm someone. He cannot be allowed to continue.”
He took a pensive breath. “I will tell you one more thing about our profession, if you are of a mind.”
“We are listening,” Mary said shakily.
“We do not have a guild per se, but we do have professional standards among coachmen, and the elders are responsible forinstructingthe younger in our ways. For example, Kep wouldneverdo what that boy did, no matter what his employer demanded. He would give up his position first, or more likely drive at a safe speed and accept the consequences.”
Elizabeth asked, “And yourinstruction?”
“Our trade, like many professions, must bring young men into its ranks. A certain percentage of young men are bestdefined ashotheads—that driver included. I sheepishly admit I was one in my youth. I cannot estimate the overall percentage, but it is fairly high. I will simplyinstructthis young man by the time-honoured technique used on me when I was young.”
“Do I want to know?”
“For most young ladies, probably not. For you, I will offer a choice. The young man will be brought to heel, one way or another. One method involves a brief period of intense discomfort. The other involves more suffering over a much longer time, but it is never so intense.”
