Since nobody objected, she continued, “Now we are on tooverdue courtesy.”
She turned toward the Bingleys and curtseyed. “Miss Bingley, I owe you an apology. I did not greet you properly in our most recent encounter in November. My only excuse is thatI was momentarily distracted by the 6-foot wall of muddy water from your coach’s wheels that was in the process of overwhelming me.”
“WHAT!” Bingley and Darcy shouted in unison.
Consternation, anger, and mortification met her declaration. Bingley looked nearly apoplectic; Darcy, after his first outburst, grew as calm as a statue, which was considerably more frightening.
Elizabeth continued calmly. “My apologies; perhaps I was not clear enough, or precise enough. By6-foot wall of muddy water, I mean a mixture of mud and water, whose peak height stood at approximately 6 feet, which your coach threw over my sister and I the day after the Netherfield ball, when you abandoned Netherfield without a word.”
Both men stared hard, shocked and confused.
Caroline stared open-mouthed, then snapped out of her stupor. “I cannot believe this is possible,Miss Bennet.Perhapsit was another coach. I would remember such an incident, and I can assure you that no such thing occurred.”
Elizabeth smiled like a cat with a mouse. “I suppose we have a difference of opinion, but I have made my apologies, so we may dismiss the topic and proceed.”
Belatedly seeing the precariousness of her position, Caroline said, “Perhaps it is possible our coachman executed his duties poorly. I shall dismiss him at once. I am certain I knew nothing of it.”
“Are you absolutely certain, Miss Bennet?” Bingley asked.
Elizabeth sighed resignedly;would the fool man ever grow up?
“Mr Bingley, what do you require to indicate certainty? I can assure you that being covered in mud from boots to bonnets is not an experience one confuses with any other, so I am certain the eventhappened. Your sister offers two alternate explanations that contradict my opinion about cause and effect; though, to be fair, her two explanations also contradict each other. How do you plan to resolve it, if at all?”
Bingley stared at her for a moment, belatedly realizing he was being tested—and probably found wanting.
“That is simple. I take you at your word. The incident happened exactly as described. Are youcertainmy sister wasawareof it and did not offer assistance?Couldthe fault be with the coachman alone?”
Somewhat mollified, she said, "She certainly did not stop to offer assistance. As to her awareness, my sister Mary saw her staring at us through the window and laughing, so she either saw us, or she was daydreaming with her eyes wide open and, to be honest, probably vacant, if she did not notice a show like that. I realise this would be considered hearsay evidence and notadmissible in a court, but you are welcome to question my sister. She is now Mrs Mary Collins, at the parsonage in Hunsford."
Spitting with rage, Miss Bingley demonstrated the principle that angry people are not always wise. “I will not be slandered in this way!”she cried. “Charles, can you not see the arts and allurements being applied right in front of your face? Wake up, brother!It never happened!”
Elizabeth replied nonchalantly. “Slandered? What do you mean, Miss Bingley? I clearly remember the past few minutes of conversation, and I merely gave you the courtesy that was overdue, along with my explanation for the delay. I certainly spoke no slander, as I have accused you of nothing more than lack of awareness.”
“Once again, I repeat.It. did. not. happen!”
“I suppose we are done with the topic, then. Shall we advance tocurrent courtesies?”
Abject horror crossed Bingley’s face. “Not so hasty, if you please. I have by no means done.”
Elizabeth almost admired the forthright way he spoke…almost.
“Mr Bingley, perhaps you are not finished with the topic, but I am. We are at an impasse, with conflicting interpretations of what occurred. No real harm was done, and probably some good in the end. All my sisterslearnt a great dealfrom the experience, and are the richer for it, so I am content that the subject has been exhausted.”
Darcy waded in. “Miss Bennet, might this be an example of one thing you are terrible at, and another you are very good at?”
Everyone stared while Elizabeth squirmed. “Mr Darcy refers to my being a terrible liar but an excellent prevaricator. I plead guilty as charged.”
Elizabeth startled when a new voice asked, “Do you object ifI do, Miss Bennet?”
He noticed her alarm and said, “My apologies. It seems the less polite among us are always creeping up on you. Perhaps all men should wear bells.”
Elizabeth laughed gaily. “That might not do for the horses, Mr Newton, but I would certainly find it convenient. All will be forgiven after you spend a quarter of an hour talking to me about mathematics, and half an hour would put you back in my good books forever.”
Gardiner said, “You obviously know this man, Lizzy. Does he have something to add? I must admit to some fascination, regardless of how bored you are with the affair… and that is without even starting on why you know a coachman who appears to be a devotee of mathematics.”
Newton laughed. “I will be happy to enlighten you at your convenience, Mr Gardiner. As to the rest, I could add something to this discussion, but certain conditions prevent disclosure.”
He turned to Elizabeth. “Your injunction seems to have outlived its usefulness. Would you object to lifting it on behalf of yourself and Mrs Collins. If not, I will not intrude.”
