“You have polished yourself until there is hardly anything left, Fitzwilliam. There is nothing wrong with you,” she replied with a nervous laugh.
Darcy studied the ground. “I hope you do not feel a confidence has been broken, but I have learnt that you found Mr Oakley admirable as well, and almost immediately redirected him to your best friend.”
“That is no broken confidence. It is common gossip, and I do not object to your knowing. It saves me the trouble of telling you.”
“So, what holds you back?”
Elizabeth stared, her nervousness plain only in her hands.
Darcy still held one hand, and he noticed it and the other clench into fists.
Foregoing propriety entirely, he took the other hand and started rubbing small circles over both with his thumbs. Elizabeth hardly seemed to notice, but she calmed a little.
“Are you uncertain of my affections, or my constancy?”
“Heavens, no!” she exclaimed. “If I were, we would not be here.”
“Then I must presume you are uncertain ofyour own affections, your own constancy?”
“Now we are getting closer.”
“How so?”
“It is difficult to say.”
“You need not say it. We need not resolve it today. No one else knows of my rather unorthodox request to court you, and there would be no shame or loss of reputation if we courted and decided against each other anyway.”
Elizabeth sighed. “No, we need to resolve… something… today… I—”
Darcy waited, his attention fixed on her. “It seems to me you have a particular talent for resolving everyone’s problems butyour own. You even helped me. The only one who seems lost inside one of your little boxes is yourself.”
“Do I haveanyfamily unwilling to tell you everything they know about me?”
The sally was plain enough; she meant to steady herself.
“Perhaps, though I know of none. Youdo knowthey do it out of love and concern?”
“Of course.”
He stopped rubbing her hands and pressed them tighter. “Give yourself time. Or tell me now. I think you want to let it out. That is why you manipulated the situation to put us together right here and now.”
“You think me capable of such manipulation?” she asked in consternation.
“Do not speak as though it were a fault.”
“I suppose I should tell you, then. Do you remember, back in Hunsford, what I said just after I told you about my childhood?”
“You asserted—what was it—there is something not quite right in your head.”
“Thank you for remembering. It was difficult enough to admit it the first time. You probably recall I said I would like to marry for the deepest love.”
“I remember well.”
“I wonder if I am even capable of it.”
Darcy gasped, but got himself under better regulation almost instantly. “What do you mean? Walk me through it… in detail.”
“Of every person I know, I am theonly onewho hasnever oncebeen carried away by infatuation. Everyone else has had some secret or not-so-secret pang of longing forsomeone, but I have not—not ever.I sailed through my formative years without so much as a twitch of infatuation. Even my friend Charlotte—ever-sensible Charlotte Lucas, who thinks you should know as little as possible about the man you will marry—suffered two nearly soul-crushing infatuations before she became so cynical after a few seasons.I alone seem immune!”
