“I am not now to learn,” replied Mr Collins, with a formal wave of the hand, “that it is usual with young ladies to increase the suspense of their suitor’s ardour by refusing that which they intend to accept, or otherwise delaying the proceedings.”
Elizabeth stared hard and spoke emphatically. “I have neither accepted nor declined, but I can assure you that I shall do sorationally, andonly once!May I finish?”
He smiled at the absurdity of the proceeding. “I would by no means suspend any pleasure of yours.”
“Well then, how big is your glebe? You suggest Rosings is a grand estate. Glebes range from 1-50 acres, not necessarily correlated with the size of the local estate. How many acres do you have?”
“Rosings is not just any estate. Perhaps I have not sufficiently conveyed its grandeur.”
“Yes, yes, I understand—but some fine estates have tiny glebes, and others large, since the glebe belongs to the church. Pray answer the questionnumerically.”
Shaking his head in confusion, he finally said, “40 acres.”
“A fair size, I should say. What do you do with it? I cannot imagine you farm it yourself! I can tell at a glance you do not do much, if any, such labour.”
“That is where I have my ornamental garden. Lady Catherine commended it personally.”
“Ornamental garden?” she gasped.
“Yes!”
“Adjacent to one of the grandest estates in Kent, which no doubt has acres and acres of its own gardens that are separated from your parsonage by but a lane?”
“Yes?” he replied confusedly.
Shaking her head, she muttered, “That will not do. That will not do at all. Pray, wait a moment. I need an article.”
Mr Collins’ jaw dropped as Miss Bennet stalked to another desk, opened a drawer, and rummaged around.
“Here it is!” she said in triumph, returning to the table with a scrap of newspaper. “Just what I was looking for!”
More confused by the moment, Mr Collins stood mute while the lady scanned the article and set her finger in the middle.
“There!The going rate is about £1 6s per acre for farm rentals. Your tenant would have to pay the tithe on his profits as well; shall we estimate, perhaps, £1 10s total? That is, as you well know, about £1½, so for 40 acres your rents would be £60. You could do better by hiring labourers and managing the land yourself, but let us assume the smaller number, since it requires almost no effort, and farming it yourself is probably beyond both your skills and available time.”
She updated her page:+Farm Glebe 1.5 x 40 = £60.
Mr Collins sputtered, “But… but… but…”
Elizabeth ignored him and rolled onward. “Of course, there may be other economies to be had, but that is a good starting place for intake. See here.”
She paused a moment in satisfaction and verified the figures. “That is indeed, as you asserted, a good living, sir—very good, in fact. A grand total of£800,and that does not count the possibility of another living, nor even more ambition. Can you agree?”
Mr Collins nodded dumbly.
Elizabeth continued, “Let us examine costs. May I assume the parsonage is maintained by the estate?”
Too shocked to think coherently, he eventually nodded.
“Good, good. I assume you have two maids-of-all-work, a cook, and a footman—or at least, that is what you would need as a married man, especially if you implement the income improvements. Each requires a salary of £10-20 and upkeep, of course. I believe it reasonable to allow a total of £50 for each, making an outlay of £150-200 for household help. Let us be conservative and use the larger number.”
She added another row with:-Servants £200, then looked up to ensure his attention, or at least, his disinclination to interrupt.
“Of course, there must be a reasonable budget for food, clothing, travel, apothecaries, and the like. We must assume around £100 for those. It will vary from year to year, but that seems a good average.”
She bent and added:-Expenses £100.
Thoroughly confused and sputtering, Mr Collins fixed on the most objectionable part of the entire discussion—that he could understand anyway. Theworst,of course, was that awomanwas performing arithmetic in the middle of a proposal. The second most objectionable was that she was better at it than he was, as he could barely follow. He doubted even Lady Catherine could manage it.
