“I suppose so. I saw him again at a supper party a week later, and again at a musical soirée. We gradually lost some of our guardedness, but I was taken aback when he called 2 days later.”
“What did you do then?”
“We talked, became a bit more comfortable, took the children to the park, and parted company. It was not unpleasant, but not pleasant either. It was mostly awkward, and I expected that was the end of it. I was ambivalent about whether that was good or bad.”
“It does not sound promising.”
“No, but he persisted, called every few days, and occasionally encountered me at entertainments. Aunt and Uncle have been taking me out more than usual, and they also send me with trusted friends sometimes.”
“So, your Mr Darcy… ah… Jameson… you say he gradually warmed?”
“He became less guarded and I reciprocated. Our conversations took on more depth, and before I knew it, we were… well, we weresomething. I do not know exactly what we are or how we got there. My feelings are a muddle. I was in the middle before I knew I had started. Now… now—”
Elizabeth took Jane’s hands. “Now?”
“Now… we are stuck. We are more than friends, but less than lovers. We are both so cautious that the slightest ripple may end this thing before we even know what it is.”
“Would that be a bad thing?”
Jane stared back in deep thought. “Suppose—hypothetically, naturally—that you began to feel some partiality for Mr Darcy, then he left. Would you always wonder?”
“Probably for a while, but sooner or later, one can leave the past in the past.”
“But what if I do notwantto leave it in the past?”
Elizabeth’s temper flared. “Thendo somethingabout it! Are you to let timidity be your downfall one more time, Jane? Playing the sheep did you no favours in Meryton.”
Jane snapped back with surprising vehemence, “Iamdoing something, Lizzy. I am beggingmy sisterfor help. Is that too much to ask?”
Elizabeth sat back, unnerved at seeing Jane’s temper once more. This time, it had none of the fire she used on her parents. She was angry, but it was tinged with desperation, and most likely, aimed more at herself than anyone else.
Elizabeth knew better than most how one’s mental foibles and insecurities could cripple them from action, since much of her childhood had been thus consumed.
Elizabeth sat forward and took Jane’s hands. “All right, Jane. Be at ease. I will talk to your Mr Jameson tomorrow.”
Jane gave a humourless chuckle. “He is notmyMr Jameson.”
“After tomorrow he either will be, or he will not—but at least you will be closer to knowing.”
“Thank you, Lizzy. I know how hard it is for you.”
“You would do the same for me.”
“No, I would not. You have a talent I lack.”
“Do not undervalue yourself. You have your own skills. You are just too close to this particular problem.”
“And you are not?”
“I am not, being relatively indifferent to the outcome.”
“You know, Lizzy, something occurs to me.”
“What?”
“It took me a while to work it out because I did not know the particulars, but now I can look back on my first meeting with Mr Jameson with clarity. What I saw on his face was the distress ofbetrayal.It is clear to me now, though I did not know how to detect the signs before.”
“A useful skill.”
