He heaved a great sigh. “Very well, Miss Bennet. I must accept your judgement, as much as it pains me. You should not censure yourself. Your manners have never been in the slightest at fault.”
Having no idea what to say, Elizabeth whispered, “Still, sir, I am so terribly sorry. I know this must be very difficult.”
He met her eyes momentarily, then looked at her hands, either to keep his composure or allow her to keep hers.
“Like yourself, I would not like to cause pain to anyone,most particularly you,” he said in a timid voice, “but would you be willing to tell me where I went wrong? Have I a rival?”
“No sir. My situation has improved, with one sister well married, another recently engaged, and my brother-in-law has engineered a modest dowry; but otherwise, I remain as I have always been.”
He nodded, sad and confused.
“So, you are not bound for another… just… just—” He sighed heavily. “Just not for me.”
“I am afraid so.”
He looked at her sheepishly. “If it is not too painful, might you tell me why? I hate to burden you, but I know myself all too well. I will brood about it for months, imagine every possible fault in my character, and believe them all simultaneously, even if they are contradictory and mutually exclusive.”
Elizabeth gave a sad little laugh, grateful that the gentleman was willing to make a small joke to ease the pain of what must be done.
“In my family, I am known as theMistress of Awkward Conversations. This will be my third awkward matrimonial intervention. I can stand it if you can. Are you certain you wish to know?”
“If you can bear it.”
Elizabeth sighed and clasped her trembling hands together to reduce their shaking.
“To be honest, both your scruples and mine come back to the same source—my mother.”
“Your mother!” he gasped.
“It requires explanation.”
“Pray proceed, if you are still willing.”
“To begin, I will only speak about the reasons that matter to our discussion today. I will not mention trivialities like you slighting me before we were even introduced. Those are all minor annoyances, of no lasting consequence.”
Shock crossed Darcy's face at the reminder of that first night.
“I only mention it because that incident made it very difficult to sketch your character at the beginning and I quite detested you for much of our association. I have quit whingeing about it, and I did not want it to ever come up again.”
“Whether a factor or not, it was terribly ungentlemanly. I sincerely apologise, Elizabeth.”
She noted the use of her Christian name but let it pass. She was at least satisfied that he had not forgotten the assembly entirely.
She finally drew a deep breath. “There are three reasons I cannot accept your hand, though of vastly different magnitudes. The first two are notinsurmountable, but they did affect me.”
“Understood.”
“The first is the matter of Mr Bingley. He is your good friend, and he treated my sister abominably. He courted her, by any acceptable definition, for 6 weeks, danced 2 significant sets, claimed to leave for a few days, and never returned. I understand you had some hand in that—”
He straightened, but she held up her hand. “Pray, wait until I finish.”
He nodded.
“From what your cousin told me—and by the way, you should teach him to keep his gossip to himself—I surmised you were involved in convincing him to abandon Jane. Before you becomevexed, pleaselisten. Jane and I examined our family’s faultsin detail, and our whole family has made corrections. Except for my parents, who are as they ever were, you would not recognise us.I cannot blame you for steering Mr Bingley away from Jane after the spectacle my mother and younger sisters made of themselves at the Netherfield ball.I did a mental exercise yesterday in which I reversed the roles, and I found I would do the same when faced with such a mercenary. Therefore, I do not hold you to blame for that aspect of the debacle.”
Darcy stared intently.
She took a deep breath.
