“Objectively, the two were similar. You have no idea how lucky you were. You just wanted a roof over your head and a respectable position, but you were exceedingly fortunate with William.”
“And you think Mr Darcy has no hidden depths?”
“The thing is… I think I knew, though I would not acknowledge it to myself, that your William was mostly just awkward… as Mr Darcy is, in truth. However, in objective fact, you are William’s equal, and it took him almost no time to work it out. Mr Darcy, on the other hand, thinks me definitelyinferior, which, by the measures he is accustomedto,I am. Where William was getting an elegant, well-educatedgentlewomanwhoraisedhis consequence, Mr Darcy would be getting an oddly educated, singular woman oflesselegance, who wouldlowerhis. In the end, he would resent me.”
“Are you certain? All it took was the right wife to bring William out of his shell.”
“I can only look at the facts. At the beginning… well… at the very beginning,there wassomething. It was the beginning of something beautiful, something meaningful; but then, within a minute or two, he stomped it into the dust. I can assure you that, had you been in the room, you could not have heard William’s proposal either. You were spared hearing it; I was not. Some things are very difficult to forget.”
“All the same, I ask again. Is there not a chance Mr Darcy might be redeemable?”
Elizabeth sighed. “I have not just been wallowing. I have also been thinking hard. I asked myself the same question over and over, and—”
“Go on.”
“Perhaps there might be, but I am not willing to be his downfall. Look at it this way. Your William knew you only 8 days before your engagement and paid no attention to you for 6 of those. It took him but 3 weeks to become the man you see now. Mr Darcy has known me5 months. We spent 4 days in the same house at Netherfield, and we have been in company for weeks here in Hunsford. He has met me in the park far more than is proper, and in all that time, he never came to a true understanding of who I am and what I need. He never once asked about my feelings. Should I hope the pure power of my charms might make him a better man?”
Mary stared at her sister for a moment, then sat on the sofa and leaned her chin into her hands. Flippant answers were not her forte; clearly, she meant to think it through.
The kettle boiled, and Elizabeth prepared the tea, giving her sister time.
When she returned several minutes later, Mary asked, “I assume you declined him. How brutal were you? I know you have a temper.”
“I was as kind and gentle as I could possibly be. You would hardly have recognised me.”
“So, there is no hope?”
“Perhaps, had I been even more moderate, I might have held him off for a short time, or asked for a courtship instead of an engagement, or delayed my answer, but… I… I… I just could not… not in that moment. I am terrified of becoming our mother. I know it is irrational, as you and I both have 10 times her good sense, but… but… I cannot enter such an unequal union.”
She lowered her voice to a whisper. “I need a strong husband, just as you need William and he needs you. Mr Darcy does notneedanyone. Hewantsme, but that is far from the same asneedingme. He said outright that he spent monthsfighting the attraction. His family, his friends, society, and even his better judgement would all oppose me. I do not… I cannot… Mary, I cannot be the spoils of a lost battle. I do not know if it is my pride or my self-respect, but I… I just cannot.”
Mary took a few sips of her tea.
“Even if I could… which I cannot… no man would ever propose a second time. Of that, I am certain.”
“I am not so sure, but it seems… unlikely.”
They sat sipping their tea until Mary asked, “Are they tears of relief, loss, pain, or joy?”
“Yes.”
They sat in silence for a few minutes, and at last Elizabeth said, “Do you know theworstpart?”
“What was that, Lizzy?”
“There was a moment, a short, fleeting moment, when my heart started to… not to soar, as the poets say, but to… I do not know how to say it… not soar per se, but… it became aware that soaring waspossible. For just a moment, I was intrigued by… potential… possibilities.”
“And you think it now impossible because of one awkwardly worded proposal?”
“It is not that simple. It was not the 5 minutes of the proposal… it is the 4monthshe spent, by his own admission, trying his absolute best to escape the trap of his irrational and unreasonable infatuation. It is the years and years and years of being the mighty oak to the maul of his family’s expectations. I cannot… no… Iwill notcompete with that… but just for a moment… just for the most fleeting moment… even if it was only an instant… I felt Imight.”
“I cannot fault you, Lizzy… I truly cannot. You could not change your nature any more than he could, and while it might have been possible for the two of you to have a truly great love story, there are just too many things against you.”
Elizabeth hugged her sister. “Enough!So, you feel fluttering and spasms! Shall I call for your salts?”
With smiles and gentle laughter, both sisters cried a little. They got up, carefully reassembled the dollhouse, and put the big boxes back together.
Elizabeth considered leaving on the post the next day, to make Mr Darcy’s leave-taking easier, but that would say the wrong thing.
