“You said we might be friends. Is that not a polite way to start?”
“Heavens, no!Theexpectationwouldbiasthe experiment.”
“How so?”
“Suppose you asked for a courtship, or even just permission to call. At this point, our emotions are on a jagged edge due to our shared history. We would spend all our time treading warily round each other, waiting for the first failure. One of us would show better or worse behaviour than our true natures warrant, and the other would spend all the time analysing the change for meaning. It would only vex us, and if we eventually made a success of it, I do not see how it could be a wise, rational decision.”
Subdued and frustrated, Darcy offered his arm and started them walking again. He was socloseto something, yet could not quite get over the last hurdle.
At last, the answer struck him like a bolt of lightning.
It was so obvious in its simplicity he wondered he failed to see it before. He had not grasped the answer becausehe was notyet ready. He was in truth only slightly ahead of where he was the day before.Yes, he had faced the mirror, but he was like a man who saw an ugly, scraggy beard there, matted with mud and grease. Seeing the filth did not remove it. If he would not apply soap and a razor, he wouldneverbe clean.
He finally said, “I understand what you say. I am not prepared to be the man that youcouldfall in love with, and you are not ready to be a woman foolish enough to esteem an unreformed man.”
“I would not put it so harshly, but that is a reasonable approximation.”
“May I make a suggestion?”
“I am all ears.”
“When I was in trouble as a lad, like most boys, I would try to lie or talk my way out of it. From time to time, my father would say,‘Fitzwilliam, when you have dug yourself a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging. Then you can worry about getting yourself out.’Does that make sense?”
“Of course.”
“Here is what I propose. I will stop digging, then I will see if I can find a rope or stick to get myself out.”
“You seem overly enamoured with sticks.”
They giggled, the sound slightly less uncomfortable than before.
“Here is what I propose. IknowI need to reform my character. I will never again be happy if I cannot stare at myself in the mirror with acceptance, even an ordinary mirror.That, I must do on my own, or at least with others who are not you. You cannot be responsible.”
“I agree, but I am curious as to your reasoning.”
“Let us suppose we courted or married. I would rely on your already well-developed social senses as a crutch. I would let you teach me or just shield me from difficulties. Eventually, you would come to resent teaching me, or I would turn out to be a poor student, or I would come to resent the need to be taught. I would not learn, or you would be frustrated by the need to do my father’s job.”
She nodded, unable to improve the obviously correct explanation.
“Here is what I propose. Today is 15 April, exactly 6 months to the day from that fortunate or unfortunate night we first laid eyes on each other.”
“Yes.”
“When do they have assemblies in Meryton?”
“The 15thof every month.”
“Here is what I propose, Miss Mirror. Let us go our separate ways as friends, with a sparse set of possibilities of some unspecifiedmore. You live your life, and I will live mine. If you find someone who makes your heart sing, marry him, and I will wish you all the joy in the world. If I happen to find the woman I can marry without apology, as you so aptly put it, I will wed her and hope for the same acceptance.”
“And you shall receive it; you have my word.”
“I shall continue to work on my character. I cannot promise 100x practise, but I shall do my best.”
“Nobody could ask more.”
He stopped, and once again turned to meet her eyes. “Whether I am married or single, reformed or the same, better mannered or still a statue, I will appear at the Meryton Assembly in 6 months’ time, on 15 October, exactly 1 year after our first meeting. Whether you are there or not, I will dance with ladiesin want of partners. If you are there, I will greet you. If you wish to extend our association, simply tell me a mathematical formula that I can understand. I shall ask you to dance, and what happens after that will be for us to decide.”
Elizabeth stared at him for quite some time, giving way to every variety of thought—reconsidering events, determining probabilities, and reconciling herself, as well as she could, to a change so sudden and so important. After what seemed to her a very long time—and must have seemed to her statue an eternity—she gave him the brightest, and possibly first truly happy, smile.
