It takes a few minutes and a lot of calories for my brain to finally come back online. “You know, Young-gi, I’m starting to think you might be really, actually super gay.”
He’s not phased. “You’re the only person I’m interested in, Tommy. I’m whatever that makes me.”
Wait…interested in? Like…for real?
“You’re not serious.”
“I can spank you some more, if you want me to prove it.” His offer is casual, almost offhand, but the spark in his eyes lets me know that he’s fucking serious. Serious and maybe kind of into the fact that I like getting spanked.
“Hm,” I hum, unbelieving. But I don’t challenge him. I don’t think my heart can handle any more wondering tonight.
Not hope, obviously, but wondering. Wondering how much I can really believe him.
****************
Tommy
When I shift in my chair–for the hundredth time–at the fancy restaurant Kira wanted to meet at, I’m paranoid that I look like a boy who just got spanked the day before, which is exactly what I am, but I don’t want to look like it.
Kira sits opposite me, our hands linked on the table, a bottle of wine shared between us. My ring is back on my finger, and so is hers. To the world, we’re a couple in love. But if people could hear us talking, whispering really, they’d know better.
“And then she–and I–but she–” Kira’s cheeks turn pink and she puts her fingers to her lips like she’s remembering. “She kissed me.”
I search her expression, trying to discern how she really feels about that. “That’s a big deal.”
“I know!” she exclaims quietly, her hand tightening on mine. “But I-I mean–I told her she could, she did ask first. And I’ve never, I’ve never been kissed like that before…” She trails off breathily.
“Yeah, girls are sweet kissers,” I agree. She blinks at me in shock and I shrug. “I’ve been with women. But back to you and Janessa; what happens now?”
Kira bites her lip nervously, and her indecision is all over her face. “Lexi says I should give it a shot, although she was skeptical. They still need to make amends. But I-I mean, you and I are kind of engaged right now so I can’t date her publicly, and I don’t want to hide it or make her feel like I’m, like, afraid or anything. I-I always knew my feelings for her were a little morethan friendly, but I’ve always liked boys too so I guess I just never paid too much attention to it.”
“That happens a lot,” I tell her. “It’s easier to be straight. So, if you’re bi, you might pay more attention to guys because that’s what you’re expected to do.”
“Are you bi?” She leans over the table.
“No, sorry, I don’t have much advice for you. I’m pretty much gay. Those times with women didn’t really work out, if you get what I mean.” I gesture vaguely down to my lap.
She blushes again, and I laugh. Her admonishing, scandalized look is tempered with fondness and distracted anxiety. “I guess I should…talk to her about it? She told me there was no pressure, she said…she said she just wanted to tell me the truth, and that she’s always wanted to kiss me at least once. Is–Isn’t that romantic?”
She’s got it bad. I smile indulgently. “Soooo romantic.”
“That’s what Lexi said too!” Kira almost swoons, leaning back against her chair with a sigh. “I just couldn’t believe it. I think I’m in shock. I don’t know what to do.”
“Take more time to think about it then,” I advise, stuffing another bite of weird French food into my mouth. It’s buttery and savory and rich; I like it. The appetizer was disgusting, but I guess the French are fifty/fifty on good food so far. More study will be necessary for a tie-breaker.
I shrug. “If she loves you, she’ll wait until you’re sure.”
“Do you really think she loves me?”
“I know she’s almost creepily into you, if that helps. Hey!” I laughingly protest when she gently smacks my hand, scandalized.
“Tommy, that’s rude!”
“She’s got jealousy issues, and you can’t deny that, Kira.”
“Well, yes, but–”
“And she keeps secrets close to her fucking chest, that’s for sure. She’s a puzzle box, probably high maintenance, difficult, and over-emotional. Slightly immature, spoiled, and concerned with her image.”
