“But Ican’tbe good,” I insist. “I’m not good, I fucking, I fucking… I’m a psycho, okay?”
“And I’m not?”
I ignore that. “There isn’t anything about me that you should like enough to keep around. You could find a million boys just like me in any gutter in this city, alright? I’m nothing special, I’m no one’s sweet boy, not for real.”
Young-gi tsks his tongue at me. “You keep talking like that, see where it gets you. I’ve been keeping track of every. Single. Lie. You think I won’t make you eat your words and take back each and every one?”
I shudder. Breathing gets harder. It sounds like a dirty little game but I know it’s not, I know he’s serious, and that makes it even hotter. “How many lies are there so far?”
“Quite a few,” he answers, pleased. “Are you ready to correct them?”
“I don’t–I–” I shake my head. “I don’t…”
I open my mouth and shut it several times, warring with myself. I want to be good for him, but I really don’t think I’m lying. And, as usual, he seems to read my mind.
“You don’t believe me. You think I’m the one that’s wrong.”
I flinch and it hurts, it hurts because Iwantto believe him. I want it more than anything. But he’s right. I don’t. Because I’m…
“You don’t know everything about me.”
Young-gi digests that for a minute, then gently turns me around so I’m facing him. I press my back into the corner I was just staring at, using it to hold me up because I feel corner-time small and everything is so big. Young-gi looms over me, everyinch of me tingling because I can feel how close he is. He puts one elbow to the wall by my head, caging me in.
“Then tell me,” he dares, gripping my chin and making me look him in the eyes. “You think I’ll change my mind? Go for it. Tell me the worst you’ve got. Give everything to me, Tommy.”
“I…” I swallow hard. “I’m a coward. And a killer, and a liar.”
He waits for more, gathering bits of me like a dragon hoarding gold, catching every coin and keeping it, jealously guarding it. But I’m no treasure, and it’s time that he saw the real me. Whatever happens next will be because I finally told the truth. And that’s what corner time is all about, isn’t it? Telling the truth.
I clear my throat. “I told you I killed three men.”
He nods, slowly, like he’s trying to figure out where I’m going with this.
“I didn’t tell you why.”
“You said they kidnapped and raped a child.”
“They did,” I agree. “But that’s not why I killed them. I did it because I found out they were going to do it again. But the first time they did it…I just let it happen. I just let him…take me.”
His eyes widen as he finally understands. “How old were you?”
“For which part?”
“Any of it.”
“I’m not sure when I was taken,” I try to look away, to fidget, but he keeps my chin in his hold so I have to hold his intense stare. “Maybe I was nine or ten? I’m really not sure. It was about five years, maybe six, until I murdered them.”
“They kept you that long?”
“One of them,” I admit. “I don’t want to talk about that part of things. You can assume the worst, and it’s probably true.”
I can’t believe I’m talking about any of this at all, calm and level and even, as if this isn’t the very first time I’ve ever toldanyone. My voice sounds so steady, but my stomach feels like water.
“I didn’t just kill them, Young-gi–”
“Daddy.”
Fuck me.“Daddy,” I correct myself breathlessly. “I–I did more than kill them.”
