“Wow, Mulan,” I deadpan.
She laughs, then shivers again, and I glance over my shoulder at the mansion–it’s mostly dark and quiet now that everyone’s outside partying by the lake. Careful not to jostle her, I pull away.
“I’m going to get you a blanket or jacket or something.” I kiss her forehead, and she smiles at me, looking relaxed for the first time since I’ve met her. “Don’t jump in without me here to save you.”
She rolls her eyes, laughing, and I start toward the house with long strides, trying to warm up. It’s a little chilly, and I can’t imagine that the people splashing around in the lake behind the house are actually enjoying themselves, but they sound like they are. I leave it all behind, focused on the dim, cold white light above the back door of the house.
As I approach, the sounds from the party fade faster than I expect, giving me a disorienting feeling of isolation despite being a stone’s throw from a crowd. Something about the acoustics makes everything feel farther away. I’m only twenty yards from the party, but when I glance back at Kira, I see everyone contained in the circle of golden fairy lights–and suddenly, itfeels like I’ve stepped off the mainland and I’m stuck on an island just out of their sight. The darkness separating me from it feels heavy and solid. Uncrossable.
“Hey!” A hiss makes me whirl, habit making my fists clench and my stance set for maximum mobility, but it’s only Janessa.
I scowl down at her. “What?”
Janessa stands a few feet away, hugging her arms tightly, hiding in the semi-darkness between my island and the party–in that murky blackness and silence. She clutches her elbows like she’s not sure if she’s cold or anxious.
“Have you told anyone?” she suddenly demands. “About the library? About last night?”
Her voice is low and urgent, angry and unsure at the same time.
“Of course not.”
My instant, emphatic reply takes her aback. “Not… not even Kira?”
“Why would I tell Kira?”
“Because I–” she bites her lip, and suddenly her siren-esque eyes are looking very doe-like as they fill with watery tears. “Because I…”
I regard her, and nod slowly. “Yeah, love makes us stupid.”
She jolts like I just hit her with a taser. “Wh– I-I mean, I–but–how did you…?”
“What I want to know,” I interrupt, “is why Brian? Why the catty ‘other woman’ routine?”
She juts out her lower lip, pouty and defeated. She looks away from me, shifting shyly on her feet, and edging out of the already dim light as if being in the dark will help her get it off her chest.
“She and I were really close last winter,” Janessa starts sullenly. “She… she started seeing Brian and suddenly she didn’t have time for me anymore. I was so… sojealousand so heartbroken and so bitter because I thought–for a secondI thought maybe–maybe she felt something for me, too. She trusted me somuch, I felt soclose…” she shakes her head, closing her eyes like she’s repressing memories.
“I was jealous of Brian, and the attention he got from her. I wanted to know what she was texting him. When he read her messages to me, he was laughing at her, but I was memorizing them. I pretended she wrote them for me. I wanted them to be for meso badly.I would’ve done anything to read them, and flirting with him was so stupidly easy. He would send me screenshots of the messages because he likes being cruel and making fun of people. I thought… I thought, if he decided he was into me and broke up with her to try and get with me, I would just say no and she would be single again, and I could be her shoulder to cry on. He didn’t love her, he never loved her.Iloved her. Istilllove her. But when he left her, he told her that he and I were already… Hemademe the other woman. I never slept with him, never promised to sleep with him.”
She seems to want me to believe her, but I’m still confused. “But why are you pretending to date him?”
Janessa scowls. “I wasn’t going to. I’ve been trying to shake him off, but the summit was coming up, and I knew it would be the only time I got to see Kira again. She’ll never invite me back into her life, not with her thinking I fucked around behind her back. I wanted to see her, and… and maybe I’m pathetic, but I wanted her to keep noticing me. To see me and think I looked pretty. I wanted her to want me. I wanted her to want to steal me away from him. This is all so stupid. I’m so stupid.”
I sigh as she puts her face in her hands. “Janessa, you know Kira pretty well, right?”
She sniffles and nods.
“Then why didn’t you tell her the truth?” I ask. “Why didn’t you tell her Brian lied?”
“He had weeks of flirty screenshots,” she counters, as if that’s the end of it. “He could’ve convinced a fucking jury, let alone someone as delicate and shy as Kira.”
“But if you were her close friend, wouldn’t she have trusted you?”
A flicker of hurt and betrayal and bitterness crosses her face and I know I’ve touched a nerve. Her mouth twists with pain as she whisper-yells at me. “She believed him! He told her that I fucked him, and the next thing I know, everyone is saying it!”
“You never told her otherwise!” I hiss right back at her. “This is some teenager bullshit! Why the fuck would she be able to read your mind and know the truth? If you’d gone to her and talked to her instead of being such a selfish little bitch–and I mean bitch as in coward, not as a gender thing, to be clear–you’d have been able to tell her the whole truth! You should’ve told her what happened,andwhy you did it. She would’ve forgiven you. Youknowshe would’ve. She probably still would! She’s just that kind of person! So stop acting like a goddamn teenager, stop fucking around with that dangerous dipshit Brian, and get your fucking act together, Janessa. This pathetic, helpless damsel act isn’t going to slide much longer. You’re getting too old for it to be cute.”
She gapes at me, open mouthed, completely speechless. I raise a brow–perhaps a little sassily–and storm inside to find a blanket or something for my precious fake girlfriend while grumbling under my breath about teenagers and toddlers, and the young adults who act like them. Janessa doesn’t follow, so I leave her behind.
