This is humiliating.I close my eyes against the embarrassment.
“Yes,” Young-gi says, loud enough for my friends to hear. I almost collapse with relief, with joy, because thank fuck. “Leave. I want to talk to him alone.”
“Okay,” Maggie agrees. “We’ll be waiting. When you’re ready, Tommy, just come find us, okay? We’ll help you.”
He slides a hand down my spine and disappears, the rest of his group following behind, except Georgie. He hesitates by my side, and Young-gi lets me go so I can nod down at him.
“I’m good with him,” I reassure him. “I’m alright. Just go dance. I’ll meet you out there.”
Once he’s gone, Young-gi reclaims my attention. He guides me into the booth, with me against the wall this time, and sits on the bench with me, trapping me in. Normally, I’d go feral if someone tried to trap me, but with him? I don’t hate it. I might even kind of like it. I’ve never been trapped by someone I wanted to be trapped by. It’s a novel experience.
Young-gi is silent when he cracks the top off a bottle of water and hands it to me with the pill. I swallow it eagerly and wash it down, so grateful I don’t even know if a thank you is enough, but I say it anyway.
“Thanks,” I murmur, and he slides closer to hear me better. “I-I need this.”
“I’m sure.”
And I bristle, my shame taking that statement as derogatory. “Fuck off. It’s not– I just– You know what, I don’t owe you anything for this. Me being able to do this should be a given, okay? It would be sick as fuck for you to try and tell me no. So, I don’t owe you any thank yous.”
He tilts his head at me, like studying me from a different angle will let him see more of me. “Lots of men struggle with ED, Tommy. It’s nothing to be ashamed about.”
“What are you, the dick doctor?” I snap, intentionally abrasive.
He raises an eyebrow, and I get the feeling that I’m getting closer to the line that gets me some discipline. Some correction. But he lets it slide. Maybe there are times when I get more leeway, more understanding, and this is one of them. “I’ve had the occasional problem performing, too.”
The offered secret is so unexpected that I do an auditory double-take. Like I need to play back the tape so see if that’s what he actually said.
“Wait, really?”
He shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “I told you, I don’t feel things. Sometimes I have sex because it’s a physical need, but more often than not, I take care of myself. When I’m with another person, I don’t always feel enough for them, don’t desire them enough, to finish. It’s just part of who I am.”
That last sentence hits me hard and my face twists into a grimace. “Yeah? Well, I wish this wasn’t part of who I am.”
“You came here tonight because you wanted relief, is that right?”
“Yeah.”
“So that’s what all the kissing was about? All the touching? They were trying to help you get off?”
My cheeks heat and I squirm in my chair.When the fuck is this ecstasy gonna kick in? I want to be done with this conversation.“Yeah. It’s easier for me if I’m high. If I’m not alone with someone, if there’s no pressure. Lots of stimulus, lots of things going on. We don’t get naked, they don’t touch me under my clothes or anything. It’s just vibes, just grinding on the dance floor. It’s easier like that. Less…just less.”
Yeah, plenty to unpack there. But I’m not interested in elaborating, especially not in the middle of a nightclub.
“I see.”
And we sit there like that, both of us waiting. It seems awkward to me, but I doubt he feels that way. He’s as stone cold as ever. “Drink your water.”
I do as I’m told, sipping on the bottle he got for me, tapping the table and fidgeting in my seat, feeling oddly grounded under the now-familiar weight of his stare.
When a wave of heat rolls through me, when sweat beads on my skin and a tingle starts in my fingertips, I sigh in relief. “It’s kicking in.”
“Fast acting,” he comments.
“It’s been like fifteen minutes,” I complain. “Felt like ages.”
“Fifteen is fast,” he points out. “Which means it’s strong. You’ll need to watch out for the come down.”
“I don’t care about that right now,” I push that off for future me to deal with. “Let me out of the booth, I want to get this show on the road.”
