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Brynne Bennett: Ethan, the flowers r beautiful. Ty. I ? purple. –Brynne
As soon as I pressed send I contemplated turning my phone off but of course I didn’t. Curiosity killed the cat or in my case made me do stupid things.
I went over to the vase of my flowers instead and removed his tie from the arrangement. I put it up to my nose and inhaled. It had the smell. The sexy Ethan smell I adored. I was never giving this tie back to him. No matter what happened or what did not happen, the tie belonged to me now.
My phone lit up and started buzzing. My first instinct was to turn it off, but I’d known he’d call. And the selfish part of me wanted to hear him again. I put the phone up to my ear.
“Hi.”
“Do you really love purple?” The question made me smile.
“Very much so. The flowers are beautiful and I’m not returning your tie.”
“I fucked up badly didn’t I?” His voice was soft and I could hear a rustling and then a breath exhaled.
“Are you smoking, Ethan?”
“Today more than usual.”
“A vice…you have one.” I traced over the tie spread out on my desktop.
“I have several I am afraid.” There was a moment of quiet and I wondered if he considered me one of his vices, but then he spoke, “I wanted to come to your flat last night. I nearly did.”
“It’s good you didn’t, Ethan. I needed to think and that’s very hard for me to do when you’re close. And it’s not anything you did last night. Not your fault. I—I needed some space after we were…together like that. It’s just—it’s just the reality of me. I am the one that’s fucked up.”
“Don’t say that, Brynne. I know I didn’t listen to you last night. You told me what you needed and I ignored you. I pushed too hard, too fast. I broke your trust and that’s what I regret the most. I’m deeply sorry—you have no idea how much. And if it ruins my chances of being with you then I deserve it.”
“No you don’t.” My voice was just a whisper and there was so much I wanted to say but did not have the expressible words to phrase it. “You don’t want to be with me, Ethan.”
“I know I do, beautiful Brynne.” I could hear him exhaling from his cigarette. “And now the only question is will you? Will you be with me again, Brynne Bennett?”
I couldn’t help it. His words made me tear up. My only saving grace was Ethan couldn’t actually see me crying through the phone but I was pretty sure he could hear me.
“And now I’ve made you cry. Is that good or bad, baby? Tell me please, because I don’t know.” The yearning in his voice broke my resistance down.
“It’s good...” I laughed awkwardly. “And I don’t know when. I have plans tonight with Benny and Gaby.”
“I understand,” he said.
Was I agreeing to see him again? We both knew the answer to his question. The thing is Ethan drew me in. From the first night since we’d met he’d held me captivated. Yes we had moved fast into sex. Yes he had pushed me a little, but it had brought me to a place that felt wonderful when I could forget about my past. Ethan made me feel very, very safe in a way that surprised me and
forced me to consider the reasons for it. I didn’t have a ton of faith that we might work out, but it sure as hell would be an affair to remember.
“Can we take it slow, Ethan Blackstone?”
“I’m taking that as a yes. And of course we can.” I heard the soft brush of an exhale again. A pause as if he was gathering his courage. “Brynne?”
“Yes?”
“I am smiling so wide right now.”
“I am too, Ethan.”
7
The club scene in London is pretty damn awesome. We didn’t do it often but a good club crawl was just what I needed. My poor psyche was on maximum overload in a conflict of emotions, fears, and guilt. I needed to dance and drink and laugh but most of all I needed to forget about all the shit. Life was too short to dwell on the dark parts, or at least that’s what my therapist said. I had an appointment with Dr. Roswell tomorrow at four o’clock and a dinner date with Ethan after. Our first step in the take-it-slow agreement we’d made on the phone. He’d told me he wanted to lay the cards out on the table and I have to admit I liked that. The truth works best for me. I really don’t have anything to hide; it was more being careful about what I wanted to share. And I didn’t know how much I could share with Ethan either. There was no guide map to help me. I had to ride the wave and hope I didn’t crash into the reef and drown.
“Try this. It’s magnificent.” Benny handed me a tall orangey-red drink in a hurricane glass. “They’re calling it an Olympic Flame.”
