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“But he did.” She wrote something in her book. “And from what you’ve told me, he wanted to comfort you and for you to stay.”
“I know, and it scared me. For him to want me to tell him why I have the dreams…” And this was my biggest problem. Dr. Roswell and I’ve discussed it many, many times. What would any man think of me once they knew? “He asked me if I wanted to talk about it. I told him no. He’s so—so—intense; I know it will be a matter of days probably before he pushes for more.”
“A relationship is like that, Brynne. You share and help the other person know about you, even the frightening parts.”
“Ethan is not like that though. He’s so demanding all the time. He wants…everything from me.”
“And how does that make you feel when he demands things or wants you to give him everything?”
“Terrified of what will become of me—Brynne.” I took a deep breath and said the words. “But when I’m with him, when he touches me or when we’re…intimate…I feel so safe and cherished, like nothing bad will happen to me with him. For whatever reason, I trust him, Dr. Roswell.”
“Do you think starting a sexual relationship with Ethan is the reason your nightmares have resurfaced?”
“Yes.” My voice came out tremulous and I hated the sound of it.
“Brynne, that’s a very normal thing for abuse survivors. The intimate act of sex is vulnerable for a woman by its nature. The female accepts the male inside of her body. He’s stronger and typically more dominant. A woman has to have trust in her partner or I imagine there would be miniscule few of us having any sex at all. Add that to your history and you have a very stirring mix brewing inside your subconscious.”
“Even when you don’t remember it?”
“Your brain remembers, Brynne. The fears of waking up to that betrayal are in there.” She wrote another quick note. “Would you like to try a medication for sleep? We could see if that suppresses the night terrors.”
“Will it work?” That sure got my attention. The suggestion of something so simple as a pill made me laugh nervously. The idea that I could stay with him all night…or he could stay with me, gave me some hope too. That is if Ethan still wanted to try sleeping with me. I remembered him walking out of my flat last night after the crazy sex-up-against-the-wall and how I’d not liked him leaving. My emotions were so confused. Part of me wanted him and part of me was terrified of him. I really had no idea what would become of us. He made you tell him you were his.
Dr. Roswell smiled at me. “We won’t know until we try, my dear. Courage is the first step, and the drug is merely a tool to help you take more steps until you’ve made it down your path. Solutions don’t have to be complicated every time.” She reached for her prescription pad.
“Thank you so much—” My phone started vibrating in my purse. I checked it and saw the text from Ethan. “Ethan’s here. He’s in reception. We agreed for him to collect me at my appointment before he takes me to dinner. He said he wanted to talk about…us.”
“It’s always good for two people to talk about their relationship. The honesty and trust you give now will make it much easier to sort out your differences later.” She handed me the prescription. “I’d love to meet him, Brynne.”
“Right now?” Nerves began dancing in my belly.
“Why not? I’ll walk you out and meet your Ethan. It helps me immensely to put faces to names when we have our sessions.”
“Oh…okay,” I said, getting up from her comfy, floral, chintz chair, “but he’s not really my Ethan, Dr. Roswell.”
“We’ll see,” she said with a gentle pat on my shoulder.
My breath caught in my throat when I saw him looking at the art on the wall while waiting for me. The way he stood there reminded me of him seeing my portrait at Benny’s show and wanting it. Wanting it enough to buy it.
Ethan turned when we walked into reception. His blue eyes lit up his face and morphed into a softened smile as he came toward me. A burst of relief shot down through my heart. Ethan looked very happy to see me.
“Ethan, this is my therapist, Dr. Roswell. Dr. Roswell, Ethan Blackstone, my—”
“Brynne’s boyfriend,” he interrupted me yet again. Ethan offered his hand to Dr. Roswell and probably gave her a smile that would melt her panties off. As they exchanged pleasantries I got a glimpse of her reaction to him, and I must admit it was satisfying to see women of all ages being intoxicated by his male beauty. And I would remember to use it during a future session too. So, Dr. Roswell, you think Ethan is off-the-charts sexy don’t you?
“Boyfriend?” I asked as he walked me out to his car, holding my hand firmly in his.
“Just keeping things positive, baby.” He grinned and pulled our entwined hands up to his mouth to lay a kiss on mine before putting me into his Rover.
“I can see that,” I told him. “Where are you taking me and why do you look so smiley?”
He leaned over to my side and brought his mouth right up to my lips but didn’t touch me. “I am always smiley, as you put it, when I get what I want.” He kissed me chastely and pulled back.
“Since when do you not get what you want? You’re the most demanding person I have ever met in my life.” I tempered the sarcasm with a little smile of my own.
“Careful, baby. You have no idea of the depths of what I want to do with you.” His eyes darkened.
I let that sensual threat float between us and tried to keep my breathing steady. “You scare me a little when you say stuff like that, Ethan.”
