Once again. Fuck my life.
Outside, the city air was brisk and carried the faintest hint of cinnamon from the bakery next door. During the drive across town to the bridal shop, all I could think about was Adam and the girls. How was their first morning in the house? How had they slept? Did they get breakfast okay?
Seeing those little eyes staring up at me was like looking in a mirror. I knew that was the reason I was feeling so attached to them. I lost my mom around the same age. And they were Adam’s daughters, of course I’d feel close to them.
But this, this was my time. I need to focus on myself. I need to be selfish.
Bailey was getting married in six weeks. Birdie was getting married a few months after that. The business was secure, everyone had their place in it. Grandma Betty and Grandpa Bill’s house was restored, and Bailey was raising her family in it. For the first time in my life, all of my responsibilities were accounted for. This was my time.
So why was I worrying whether or not Adam had enough sleep last night? Why was I wondering if he’d spoken to Genesis yet or not? Why was I thinking about stopping by after the shoot just to see if my packages had arrived?
No. Their lives were none of my business. I needed to stay away.
I pulled up to the salon and was grateful it was the shoot day. I always loved seeing Birdie’s new designs on actual people, they came to life. She put so much into them, but this was even more special. This summer/spring line was being featured inThe Vowand was being photographed by Zion Ash, a world-renowned fashion photographer who had recently relocated to Northern California. He’d been following Birdie for a few years on social media, but this was the first time they’d be working together. Him shooting this was a big deal for her baby sister.
I parked in the rear lot and walked in the back entrance. As soon as I entered, I could feel the energy was…off. The sets looked incredible. They were going to shoot some in the salon, and then they were going down the block to St. Jude’s in the afternoon.
None of the models were there. I was running a little late, so I’d expected to walk into the day being in full swing. We’d hired a family for the shoot, a husband, a wife, and two little girls ages four and six, and then Leo and Luke were going to come in and be ring bearers and junior ushers with them.
The only people I saw were Birdie and Bailey.
“Where have you been?” Bailey asked, not glancing up from her phone as she sat on the tufted couch in the main staging area.
“I had an errand I had to take care of. Where is everyone?”
“The family we had booked came down with a stomach virus.”
“Are we going to reschedule?” I asked.
“We have the spot inThe Vow, we can’t.” Birdie pulled a steamer down a silk A-line.
“There is a fashion expo at the Moscone Center this weekend, so it seems every model is booked out. I can’t get anyone last minute.” Bailey lifted her head and looked at Birdie. “Can I do it?”
Birdie shook her head. “I only have sample sizes for all the dresses, so you’d have to grow a few inches and drop a dress size or two.”
There was a moment’s pause before both my sisters’ heads swiveled my direction. I happened to be a few inches taller than both my sisters and a couple sizes smaller. I was a sample size.
“No,” I automatically replied. The thought of me in a bridal gown, no, bridal gowns, plural, being on the internet forever made me want to vomit, throw my coffee on the floor in a temper tantrum, and run out the back door. “I don’t have my hair done or any makeup on.”
“We have hair and makeup coming,” Bailey relayed what I already knew because I’d been the one to approve the expenditure.
Ihatedtaking photos of myself. I had no social media for that exact reason. Which reminded me, last night when I teased Adam, calling him a Boomer and saying he didn’t know anything about his girlfriend’s online presence, he said he knew what he needed to know. He knew I didn’t have social media, and in all the photos of me, my face was obstructed.
That meant he had to have looked me up. Had he just done it once? Twice? More than twice?
“It’s okay.” Birdie, the sweetest, kindest soul in the world, set the steamer down. “We need to cancel. Everything happens for a reason, and it just wasn’t meant to be.”
There was no way I could let her lose her spot in the magazine. “Fine. I’ll do it.”
Birdie looked at me. “I don’t want you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.”
She meant it. Shereallymeant it. Which made me know even more that Ihadto do it.
“I’m doing it,” I told her.
“Thank you, Sissy!” She threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight.
“Go get changed, makeup and hair will be here in ten.” Bailey smiled from ear to ear.
