Technically, there was no reason for her to still be there. My back was making incredible progress. I was fairly certain I’d be clear to walk up stairs early next week. Plus, there hadn’t been any other incidents since she’d moved in and with Bailey and Cole being gone for their honeymoon, it would be a good time for her to move back next door.
“Okay, PJ time.” Billie clapped her hands.
The girls hopped up and, as a single two-headed organism, rushed up the steps together in perfect synchronicity. It was strange how much their gestures, movements, and even voiceswere identical, but they could not have been more different when it came to personalities.
Billie smiled and stood. “I’m gonna head up, too, good night.”
“Actually, when you’re done reading to them, can we talk?”
Her smile dropped, and it felt like she kneed me in the balls. A quick grin spread on her face, trying to mask her initial reaction. “Sure.”
I watched her walk upstairs and wanted to call out, “Never mind, forget it.”
When she finally came back down it was almost nine. I’d timed it so I’d be in the kitchen, standing at the counter like a normal human being and not someone desperately dreading a conversation. I was assembling the girls’ lunches for the next day—carrot coins, turkey rollups, and two kinds of fruit. I wanted it to look efficient, routine, so that it didn’t seem like I’d just been standing there, heart in my throat, waiting for her.
“Hey,” she said, her voice low and even, not in a hurry. She’d changed into her pajamas, gray joggers and a faded UCSF hoodie I’d never seen before. It was at least a size too big, and the sleeves almost swallowed her hands. She looked exhausted but also—somehow—completely at peace, like she’d just finished a marathon and was basking in the afterglow.
“Hey,” I said, my voice coming out weirdly gruff.
“I can do that, you should be resting.”
“I’m fine. I’m doing better.”Which is what I need to talk to you about, I thought as I focused on cutting apple slices with laser precision. “Are the girls out?”
“Yeah, I think Joey’s going to have dreams about riding a unicorn into Bailey’s wedding.” Her lips twitched, as if she was holding back a real smile.
I turned to put the lunches in the fridge, and she moved out of the way, our arms brushing as she did. Her breath caught, andthe hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I closed the door a little too hard.
We’d avoided being alone together. The girls were always a buffer between us. Every night she stayed upstairs after she went up with the girls and didn’t come down in the morning until they were awake. This was the first night I’d asked to talk to her and the first time we’d been alone.
“So, what’s up?” she asked, her large green eyes staring up at me.
I’d run through a dozen variations of this conversation in my mind, some funny, some businesslike, a few apologetic. Now, with her standing there, loose and unguarded, all the words jammed up in my throat. I couldn’t do it. Not tonight.
I pivoted to the only other thing I could think of, which was the thing I really didn’t want to talk about. “So, uh. Have you heard anything new? From the detective?”
Her eyes flickered for a second, then she shrugged. “Nope. They cleared a few other guys on the app. The last I heard they’re running stuff through Trace, but honestly, I don’t think we’ll hear anything.” She looked at me more closely. “Is that what you wanted to talk about?”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I didn’t want to bring it up in front of the girls.”
She nodded, lips pressed together. Her eyes lingered on me, and I got the sense she knew exactly what I was doing, deflecting. Instead of calling me on it, which was something Billie would normally do, her lips pursed before she asked, “Was that it?”
What I should have said was, “No, that’s not it. You need to leave because I’m in love with you, the girls are in love with you, and every day you stay we’re falling even more in love with you.”
But I was a chicken shit, so I said, “Yeah, that’s it.”
She paused before turning. When she was at the first step of the stairs I asked, “Are you bringing a date to Bailey’s wedding?”
Her entire body froze before she turned around and looked over her shoulder. “A date?”
“Russell, maybe?”
“No, I figured dating while married wasn’t a good look.”
Hearing her say that we were married, to acknowledge it, caused my heart to do a triple backflip. I nodded, hoping not to show just how good it felt to hear her say it, even if it was just a technicality.
Her eyes narrowed. “Are you?”
“Me?”
