"Oh." Luella shivered.
Az’s amber eyes burned against her feathers. "How does it feel?" he asked, a hand raised as if to reach for them, but he held it midair, not willing to cross the distance.
Her knees were splayed on either side of his thighs, not quite resting on his lap, a bit lower. He was reclining against the hammock, and slowly, she pressed her palms to his lower chest, bracing herself against him. She felt his sharp inhale against her hands, beneath her hips. It made the reason she was drawn here come rushing back to the forefront of her mind like a thick, ocean wave.
"Strange," she murmured. "It feels like they’re a part of me, but not. Like if I tried hard enough, thought hard enough, I could move them. But they don’t want to be moved." She paused, thinking. "It’s like something I didn’t know that had been taken from me, finally returned, but I’ve spent so long without it, that now, I’m not sure I want it—not sure I know what to do with it."
It was hard to sum up her feelings on her wings. To her, it was just another way she had been used, against her will. Another secret. Another thing stolen.
Az’s hand fell to her hip. "And you, Lu? How do you feel?"
"Like I could be swallowed up by my feelings, and I wouldn’t even care." There were so many, she couldn’t sift through them. Anger, rage, sadness, nostalgia, yearning, desperation. But the most worrying of all was resignation.
"How can I help?" he asked, his tone gentle, rumbling through her where she was pressed against him.
"Be you. That is enough." Her hair tumbled over her shoulder as she leaned down, pressing her chest flush to his. His arm,tucked close to his lower stomach, cut into her, but she didn’t care. She wanted to feel him—sheneededto feel him.
Az’s heart thumped against his chest, pounding in her ear. The hand on her hip moved to brush the base of her spine, cautious of her wings and bandages. She didn’t want him to treat her so gently.
"Touch them," she mumbled, not able to look at his face, cheek still pressed against his chest.
He stilled under her. "Lu…"
"I want you to."
Her wings ached, but the ache for him was more pressing. Her lids fluttered as she felt the first brush of him against her. A full-body shudder wracked her frame.
"Tell me how it feels," he urged softly.
Luella’s breath hitched as his knuckles traced over the very ends of her right wing. A phantom touch. Her nerves sparked and yearned, making her toes curl. "It feels g-good." She couldn’t stay the tremor in her voice. But this time? It was not from fear. Her mind drifted to what he had looked like when she came into the room. His scent still clung to everything, coating the air. "You can touch more."
There was the slightest moment of hesitancy before he obeyed.
His fingers sifted through the individual feathers, carding through them like he might her hair. She gasped, low and breathless.
Az’s need carried to her through the thread connecting them, making her drift up higher, as if she were truly weightless as a cloud.
She tugged at his other arm, still trapped between their bodies.
"I—" He released a thin breath. "Lu, I am not decent. I’ll dirty you."
At that, she lifted her head from his chest, the base of her spine aching. "What do you mean?"
"Do you know what a male’s release looks like?" He spoke as if he were in a great deal of pain.
She swallowed, abashed. She knew, somewhat. She had overheard the maids in Solis speak ofthat. But she had never seen it herself.
She nodded, unable to speak.
Az’s free hand moved from her wings, and she mourned the loss of his touch as he urged her back. "Sit back for me, angel."
She did, with reluctance, finding his arm quickly rub over his lower stomach in the dim firelight. She saw nothing, but questions plagued her—just as realization slammed into her.
The feelings that had led Luella here made sense. "Oh, you were…"
"Forgive me, angel." She watched Az’s throat work as he swallowed. "This is what I mean. I’m not good for you. You’re sweet and pure, and I’m a beast."
He was ashamed. And she hated that.
