Epilogue
Damien: A glimpse of the beginning
Salt Lake County, 2017
“Where exactly are we going?” Killien asks, giving me a curious side-eye as he drives his mom’s white Ford Fiesta out of our boring neighborhood.
“You’ll see when we get there.” I grin and wink at him.
I can’t believe I managed to make it all work, and he’s still rather clueless about what we’re doing. I was lucky that everyone was willing to help. My dad was the worst, obviously. Getting him to hand me a bit of money for this took some convincing, but I made it happen. I thought that my stepmother would be a pain in the ass too. However, she agreed to let us use her car and even said she’d make us sandwiches and other snacks. Likely because it was cheaper than getting a present for her son. And they also got rid of us for a day, I guess.
Maybe the biggest satisfaction I’m getting—other than spending Killien’s birthday with him—is that Sophie was pissed the hell off when she found out. I can imagine her going furious because herboyfriendwon’t be waking up on his special day with her. And that makes my ugly black heart very fucking happy.
It’s clear by now that we don’t like each other, although we both act like we get along. For Killien, I suppose. I still see the venom in her eyes whenever my brother wants to hang out with me and she’s forced to join in or not see him. I might never get what I really want from Killien, but I’m still on top of his priority list. I’ll take it.
The rest of the ride to our destination is calm as we sing along and head-bang to our favorite songs while the GPS guides us the entire forty minutes. We’ve never been to the mountains before, kinda funny considering that we live so close. By the time we reach the camping grounds, he looks at me with the cutest confused expression ever.
“Is this a campsite?” Killien stretches his neck to look around the winding road surrounded by lush green mountains as he approaches the exit the GPS indicates. “What the hell?”
“Yup.” I grin at him. “We’re spending the night.”
“What?! And where are we sleeping?”
“Don’t worry, Stacey lent me her tent and sleeping bags. Her family likes to go camping.”
He laughs out loud. “Have you ever set up a tent?”
“We’ll figure it out. You’re smart.”
Our eyes meet briefly as he laughs even louder, and my heart skips a beat at the sight of him like this. I haven’t seen him genuinely happy in a while. Things have been stressful lately for him too, after my latest mental breakdown. My heart warms up as I smile back, wishing we could stay like this forever, just the two of us. Things are easier without our shitty parents, or Sophie, or any of the guys I’ve been sleeping with.
The first hours at the campsite end up being a bit tedious, since we have to set everything up, including the damn tent. Of course, Killien figures it out eventually. I just do as he says, since I’m a bit useless. Honestly, I’m useless when it comes to most things. By the time we’re done, the sun is almost setting as we sit down to eat a few of the snacks I brought.
The view of the mountains covered in various shades of green trees paired with the sound of the water running through Little Cottonwood Creek, makes it feel like we’re in another dimension. A kind of peace and quiet we’ve never known before, since such things don’t exist at home.
Here, though, it’s just nature and silence, and us sitting around a crackling fire pit. Smoking is not allowed, but there’s no one close by, so I light a cigarette and take a puff before passing it to Killien.
“Damien . . .” he scolds me. Although he takes it anyway.
“Come on.” I chuckle. “There’s nobody here, we’ll just burn the stub in the fire when we’re done.”
“What are rules for, huh? You’ll just do whatever the fuck you want.”
“Well—basically, yeah.” I shrug as I take a closer look at him, bringing the cigarette to his lips and staring up at the sky.
He’s a vision. His pale skin glows under the orange light of the fire, contrasting against the darkening forest behind him. Soft waves of ginger hair frame his face, long enough to graze the top of his shoulders. He’s wearing light blue jeans and his favorite T-shirt, the one he bought when we saw A Day To Remember live last October. I still remember how happy he was, a lot more than he’s been lately. The freckles on his face are slowly fading away, and I hate that, because I adore every single one of them.
He’s starting to look like a grown ass man. Killien has changed a lot in the past months since he began hitting the gym with Shawn. The T-shirt seems a bit small on him, given how much his muscles have grown. The outline of his biceps and pecs has me almost biting my lower lip.
I must say, he’s never looked better, though. As torturous as it is, I love watching him work out. Like when he does sit-ups in our room and I get to see him all sweaty and shirtless.
The memory of his muscles flexing and glistening with fresh drops of sweat overwhelms me as I take the cig from his hand, doing so a bit more harshly than I intend to. He doesn’t notice, still lost in his thoughts and staring at the sunset beyond the mountains that tower over everything else.
I’m an absolute mess, or at least my mind is. I’m constantly invaded by thoughts I shouldn’t have, getting horny when I’m not supposed to. Killien is dangerous to be around, but there’s no way I’m putting distance between us.
“Why have we never gone camping before?” he whispers, furrowing his eyebrows and staring mindlessly into the many hues of green of the trees beyond the creek.
“Because our parents are shit.” I exhale smoke through my nose before passing the cig back to him. “It’s not even expensive to come here. We could have spent some family time or something. But I don’t think they care . . .”
