Then my eyes adjust, and I find him sitting on the floor against the wall, knees against his chest.
His head’s down, and he's gripping his face desperately.
“Fuck, Yosh.”
I cross the room in three quick steps and drop to my knees.
My heart, that fucker that had gone quiet for 15 minutes, is now thundering like it’s trying to make up for all the missed beats.
I reach out and brush a strand of hair from his face. There are dried streaks of tears under his eyes, glinting like salt crystals under the lamplight.
I scrunch up my face.Fuck, fuck, fuck.
My fingertips go over the curve of his jaw, brushing away what’s left of his tears.
He quivers under my touch, lashes fluttering as he keeps blinking.
Eventually, he manages to look up, and his hollow, red-rimmed eyes meet mine.
“Yosh…”
His eyes roll back and it’s like he’s losing consciousness. I grab his wrist, tugging him against me.
“Yosh, fuck. Stay with me.”
Yosh is floating between consciousness and someplace far beyond my reach.
He’s delirious and the only thing keeping him with me is the pressure of my fingers wrapped around his wrist. What the hell is happening?
“Stay with me, love. You can do it.” I gently slap the side of his cheeks with the back of my hand, hoping it will bring him back.
I’m about to run out to look for help when his eyes snap open, wide and manic.
“There you are.” My presence makes him jerk backwards against the wall.
I fucking break inside.
“Hey, it’s okay. You’re safe.”
He swallows hard, exhaling deeply as the cramped tension gradually leaves his body. His eyes soften, coming back.
“I’m sorry,” he rasps, clearing his throat. A dry cough follows behind his fist. “I’m sorry you have to see me like this. It’s unprofessional.”
“Yosh, please…” my voice dies, the distance between us greater than ever. I'm fully aware I caused that by losing my temper.
“Hey.” I cup his face in my hand. “Don’t do that.”
His lashes dip. I run my thumb over his cheekbone, feeling him rest into my palm.
He lets out a breath that seems to shudder from somewhere deep inside.
I want to hold him until whatever darkness he has inside fades, even if I don’t deserve that privilege at the moment.
“It’s… it’s been a tough day. That’s all.”
“It must’ve been rough at the hospital. Are you alright?”
He nods, then shakes his head, placing his thumb and index finger between his brows. A single droplet of water falls onto the crease of his elbow.
