But medicine doesn't let you walk away. You can leave the OR, but the vow stays. And on a small island like Avalon, when the hospital is short-handed during a code black, the choice gets made for you.
Losing that girl yesterday was something I knew I hadn’t been prepared for. But it happened, and the aftermath, being covered in blood, had released so many painful memories.
Last night I’d scrubbed myself raw in the shower.
This morning, the sting reminded me of how I lost myself.
Then, during yoga, my elbow had cracked open in a small, embarrassing bleed.
Falling back into that obsessive place feels like a failure. It’s something I thought I’d left behind years ago.
Apparently, I was wrong, and the storm had been too strong for my medication to temper it.
And just when I thought yesterday couldn’t get any worse, Tom came bursting in, throwing all of his messy emotions at me.
Anger. Fury. Betrayal. All of it, thanks to whatever crap Terrence told him.
It didn’t hit me yesterday, but as Tom had left for Calvin’s place this morning, it dawned on me that Terrence must have accessed Tom’s file. I’m so glad I didn’t write anything down that Tom told me. Even without that, Terrence had known exactly how to exploit Tom’s deepest vulnerabilities and his lifelong battle with trust and loyalty. I keep hearing Tom’s voice in my head, yelling that Jay was right all along. To never trust anyone.
Terrence had taken advantage of that and broke down the calm space Tom had created with me. He’d intentionally hurt Tom for personal gain, and I’m not going to let him get away with it.
I’ll regroup, strategize, and once I make it to the big table, I’ll use every ounce of my influence to get that incompetent asshole removed from his position.
But that’s a battle for another day. Right now, I need to focus on Tom and me. On us.
Talking ethics and vows. What an absolute mess.
I roll up my yoga mat, tuck it into its cover, and sling it over my shoulder. I tug the strap tight as I walk out of the meditation garden.
I’ve already made a plan: shower, dinner, bed. Erin had asked me to come by her studio to talk through alternative treatments for her patients, but I canceled. I’m done for today.
Marina has a mango smoothie waiting for me at the bar. She hugs me tight and calls me a hero for what I did at the hospital yesterday.
I manage a weak smile. My head feels foggy, my thoughts even more so. I’m nothing like that, and hearing it only makes the haze in my head thicker.
I take a sip and keep walking. The hibiscus flowers are blooming. I wave at Anya, who’s peeking up from her fashion magazine. Bubba, the resort’s three-legged iguana, is basking on a rock. Just another perfect day in Arcadia, and I need to give it my all to keep up with that.
I step into the lobby area and freeze.
Terrence.
He’s right around the corner, talking to a blonde woman I recognize from my yoga class. I’m not sure, but I think her name is Stella.
I jerk back, pressing myself flat to the wall.
Best to wait until he’s gone. Today my emotions are all over the place, and I’m not doing last week again—security dragging me out, my job on the line, losing my dignity in front of half the resort.
I fold my arms and stare at the menu board, my eyes flicking between grilled chicken with vegetables and pasta Napolitana.
Macky’s grilled chicken is to die for. Italian comfort food sounds tempting as well.
Suddenly I hear Tom’s name.
What the hell?
I edge closer to the corner of the wall.
Stella mentions Tom again. I close my eyes, focusing on their conversation.
