Tom is fucking mine.
Jay breaks, slamming his hand on the dinner table.
Everyone jumps, cutlery clattering, my smile satisfied.
In the middle of the shock and confusion, I take a casual sip of my water.
Jay coughs. “Well, that’s settled then. Everyone, get back to eating.”
Everyone does without another word.
Chapter forty-nine
Tom
I’m glad to be back at the West House. Dinner was a total fucking disaster.
Finn, that miserable piece of…
He’s supposed to be in my corner. He, Joan, and I used to bethe golden trifecta. We were everything and it was always us against authority. Nothing could tear us apart. Now the wanker has stabbed me in the back, and Joan ran off crying.
Cheryl looked at me like I was one big disappointment. And to top it off, Jay looked at Yosh like he wanted to skin him alive.
I’ve seen that look before, usually in the mirror when I hated myself enough to do it to myself.
Maybe I’m closer to that place than I thought.
Yosh runs his fingers through my hair, calming me. His thumb strokes small circles behind my ear, which feels good. It makes me forget the misery for a second.
I tighten the drawstrings of my hoodie, fold my arms, burying what’s bare of my face against his stomach. His lap makes the perfect pillow.
“Talk to me, Sapph, I’m here.”
“It was ugly. I made it uglier.”
“You told the truth.”
He can’t see, but I scrunch my face. “Joan cried.”
“She’ll be okay,” His hand keeps moving over my back. “I’m proud of you.”
“For what? Causing a scene at Christmas?”
“For not letting them script you. For choosing us.”
That last word, us, it feels so powerful. More than ever before. Maybe because there’s much more at stake now. I’m losing my family and I’m not sure where to go from here. He’s the only one I’ve got.
I slide my arm around his waist, wanting to hold myself against him and never let go.
“Yosh, please. Stay with me.”
The shaky, long breath he releases fuels that clawing feeling in my head even more.
I know he struggles with anxiety, with trauma after deployment, maybe even long before that. He only ever gives me fragments and avoidance when it comes to his past. But when he gets overwhelmed, he runs. And I know he wants to be there for me, but I’m scared all my shit brings us to a point where he just can’t.
“I’m here Sapphire, you’re safe with me.”
I take those words with me as I close my eyes and dream of us catching waves, making love to the sound of the ocean. It calms me, like the hand still resting between my shoulder blades. After a few breaths, I fall asleep in the warmth of his arms.
