They acted like it was another piece of drama to gossip about. Their fucking ignorant faces replay in my mind, again and again.
Except Finn.
Finn, of all people. The one person I’d been fighting with yesterday was the only one who actually got it and stood up to Jay.
What eats at me just as much is that, once again, I’ve disappeared on Effy. She probably thinks I’m a predictable disappointment.
Damn it. I should’ve stood up for Yosh.
And I should’ve fought for her too.
Instead, I’d screwed up. Being the coward I swore I wasn’t anymore.
My grip tightens on the wheel, knuckles throbbing. The road ahead is dark, headlights stretching endlessly into the night. I press harder on the gas.
“Where are we going?” Yosh’s tone is careful. He's probably afraid of me.
I don’t answer. I just can’t. Every time I try to speak, my voice sticks in my throat. So I keep my focus on the road, turn up the volume, and letThe Smithsfill the silence in the car.
“Tom…” His voice breaks this time. He’s been crying ever since we got in the car. “Please. Say something. Anything.”
“I’m not mad at you,” I mutter. I mean it. I’m not mad at him, I’m mad at myself. I’m the one who ignored my common sense and brought him to Heatherfell.
And for what?
All I wanted was something fucking normal for once. I wanted to introduce my boyfriend to the people who matter to me without everything turning into a circus.
But a normal life? That’s not in the cards for us. Drama’s been chasing me since the day I was born. It’s not something I can outrun. I should’ve known better.
I can sense him watching me, searching my face for some kind of reassurance. I still don’t know how to give that to him.
My eyes stay fixed on the road. I just want to keep fucking driving.
His hand settles on my shoulder. “Can we talk about it?”
I shrug it off. “I don’t want to.”
An hour passes. The road blurs into gray.
Yosh tries again. “Where are we going?”
“I just want to fucking drive.”
He flinches, turning toward the window.
Guilt twists in my chest, but I can’t bring myself to look at him. The clouds above us are getting darker, just like the storm inside me.
The border sign flashes past; we’re in Belgium. I glance to my right. Yosh is resting on his elbow, fingertips touching the windshield where powder snow falls against the other side of the glass.
Hurt and fragile aren’t the right words to capture what I see, but they’re the first that come to mind, and all I want is to get him somewhere safe and far away from Heatherfell.
I reach for him, my palm hovering above his back. I pull away, placing my hand back on the steering wheel. I just can’t.
We drive for hours, only stopping once at a gas station to fill up the tank. I take a piss in a disgusting bathroom with a couple of used needles and a leaking can of beer on the floor.
I told Yosh not to go in there, to take a leak behind a couple of trees, and that I’d grab us some food and drinks. He said he wasn’t hungry, but I don’t really care about that answer because we need to fucking eat.
We’ve been back on the road for a while and the dark clouds have started to look more and more threatening with each passing second.
