It tears out of me in short, helpless pulses, spilling hot across my chest as my vision flares white.
Yosh pulls back just enough to look down. His breath shudders, pupils blown wide. He rises to his knees, tossing his hair back like a fucking god before lining himself up with my parted lips.
He coats my face, my hair, my mouth. I taste all the bitterness of him on the tip of my tongue.
Yosh drops face first beside me onto the mattress. I keep staring at the ceiling with my eyes open wide.
“Sorry, couldn’t stop myself from doing a Callie Coconut.” Our new code for premature ejaculation.
Yosh chuckles into the pillow. I laugh too, even though I’m still catching my breath.
He looks at me with soft, satisfied eyes, swiping his finger over the mess on my face.
I catch his wrist, sucking his finger into my mouth.
He groans. I stay hard.
“I’m going to take a shower,” I say, moving carefully off the bed.
His ensuite bathroom is finished now too. I step inside, taking a good look around.
Black slate tiles and a bonsai on the cabinet with rolled-up anthracite towels.
Neat spa vibes. I’m only missing the sauna. We can build one outside if he wants.
I turn on the faucet, the cold water from the rain shower washing the heat and the evidence off me. I soap myself with the bamboo shower foam I find on the windowsill. I lather my chest and work over the rest of my body.
My dick is still pointing at the ceiling. I tap it once against the glass panel because I’m a childish motherfucker.
He was right. I’ve been starving, and my appetite is nowhere near satisfied.
So I get out of the shower fast and dry myself on the way back to the bedroom.
I find Yosh lying on his stomach, the side of his face resting on his folded arms, feet dangling in the air. Seeing him this careless makes me the happiest.
He told me the new meds Erin put him on are a blessing. Said his PTSD had been steady for years, but after he got druggedat SeaBreeze and after everything that happened at Heatherfell with Jay, he has been on edge again.
He’d tried to soften it so I would'nt feel guilty. Did not work. I’d cried beside him once I knew he was asleep.
I will never fully understand, but I know enough to see flares of anxiety coming.
Mostly on normal days, because normal feels too good to trust.
Maybe one day he’ll talk, but I’m not pushing him.
And I’m not sure I’m doing it right, but lately I’ve been looking back at our early conversations from a different angle. Not from when I was the one digging into my past, but from the version where I’d watch him talk.
When I replay those moments, I don’t hear my own answers anymore. I hear the questions he’d asked. And maybe I can use some of that to be there for him the way he’s been there for me.
I fold my arms and look at every shape and curve of his relaxed body. The observation comes with a crooked smile.
“Hey, gorgeous,” I tell him as I settle between his legs. I catch his hips, trailing a line of soft kisses from the small of his back to exactly where I want to be.
A soft hum of contentment. “I love you, Sapphire.”
“Love you too.”
I kiss and bite the skin at his tailbone. “God, you’re so beautiful, Yosh. And you’re mine. Completely.”
