The guy confuses the shit out of me. I don’t understand how I told him all my secrets. Things I buried so deep I stopped trying to dig them up myself. And yet, last night, I let it all out.
And it felt good.
And I hate that it did. Because I don’t get to feel good. Not ever.
My fingers fist the sheets. Jay is going to lose his mind when he finds out I let an outsider in.
I’m sure that wasn’t part of his plan when he decided to ship me off to theblue lagoon.
And then there’s the Emily thing.
I almost told Yosh about that too. Thank God I shut it down before we crossed that line. That door stays locked. Cemented. Bricked over. No exceptions. Maybe he pieced it together, maybe he didn’t. Doesn’t matter. That chapter is off-limits.
Still… I talked about Chris. I don’t know how he pulled that out of me. Or maybe I should stop blaming Yosh and ask myself the real question: why did I let it happen?
And why the fuck am I still thinking about it?
I groan into my pillow, shove it aside, and sit up too fast. My head explodes in white spots and little flashing stars.
I need an aspirin. And something in my stomach that isn’t regret.
I take my usual spot at the loner table, half-hidden behind a fat palm tree. Secluded, but with a perfect vantage point. I can see everything happening around the poolside restaurant without anyone noticing me. Perfect. I’m not in the mood to run into anyone, so once again, I wear the blue necklace.
Scanning the area, I spot only solo tables.
A fine selection of privileged burnouts. They look wrecked behind oversized designer sunglasses, wearing those campy blue necklaces to prevent social interaction. They scroll through their phones out of boredom, chasing tiny hits of dopamine between sips of something gut-cleansingly green.
And here I am, being just like them.
Samira approaches with the lunch menu. Her fingers are free of bandages; there’s only a faint red line on her thumb now.
“Hey, Tom. How are we doing today?”
“Hanging in there, sweetheart. You?”
I nod at her hand. “We could’ve been bandage buddies, but I see you’re healing up already."
“Yes, Doctor Aoki took my stitches out right before my shift. Seems like fixing up hands is all he does nowadays.” She chuckles as she points at my hands. “What happened to you?”
I’m about to say something clever when she notices the blue necklace and steps back.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t see you’re silent today.”
“Please, I’m not that committed. But tell me, what’s for lunch?”
“Today’s special is our famous Arcadia lunch bowl; chicken, baby kale, bulgur, avocado, sweet potatoes, blueberries, and pomegranate seeds, finished with a blueberry-lemon dressing.” She looks up, a little unsure if she got all the fancy ingredients right. “Plus, it comes with matcha-infused coconut water.”
Ugh. I can already taste the disappointment. It's the kind of food people pretend to enjoy because it’s good for you. Joan does the same to make up for the weekends, which makes me wonder if she’s even a McKenna at all.
“You don’t serve burgers and fries here, do you?”
She bursts out laughing. “We don’t, sorry. But I promise, it tastes better than it sounds.”
“Right. Could I get a normal glass of water, please?”
“Crystal-infused mineral water. Doctor’s orders.” A knowing grin tugs at her mouth.
As Samira walks off, my gaze goes automatically to the long lunch table across the pool.
