I usually don’t share unfinished tracks unless I trust someone. Jay, Joan, and Calvin had heard them, sure, but most of the time that’s because they are collaborators. This is different.
I tell him about the direction I want to take, the collaborations I'd started, and the itch I couldn’t ignore to create something new.
“I just want to make something that’s really mine,” I confess. “No mainstream pressure. Just something straight out of my fingertips. I’m done hiding behind safe productions.”
Music isn’t really his world, I know that, but he listens and asks me where I see myself going, what inspires me, what scares me about stepping out solo.
And yeah, maybe he doesn’t fully understand my world, but that doesn’t matter. He cares enough to try, and that effort alone makes me feel more seen than any stage spotlight ever has.
Eventually, we go back outside, picking up where we'd left off.
By late afternoon, it's done. The tree glows in the golden hour sunlight, and maybe it is the exhaustion talking, but the branches look grateful.
“Getting its healthy dose of photosynthesis now,” Yosh says, like the tree is getting high on sunshine.
And maybe I am too.
The way he beams at it, so full of wonder and adoration, triggers something chemical in my brain.
That's the moment I realize I'm fucked.
Because that smile is worth chasing. Even if it means breaking my back rebuilding this entire place just to see it again.
We drive back to West Cove, the wind blowing through the open window, my hair flying across my face.
I lean my head against the headrest, listening as Yosh talks about the sea turtles that lay their eggs at Playa Tortuga, and how only a few survive long enough to come back and do the same. His voice fades into the background for a moment as I look ahead.
Mount Camelot appears on the horizon, its dark silhouette rising against the purple and orange sky.
The sun is nearly gone now, but I can still feel its warmth on my skin.
It’s curious how everything feels right. For the first time in longer than I can remember, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I want to stay.
Everything I need is here. The sun, the ocean, the stars at night, and enough space to breathe.
Funny, that sounds like something Yosh would say. I guess spending time with him is starting to rub off on me.
And you know, he was right when he suggested, well, subtly asked me to stay.
Making the decision was easy.
Telling Jay I’m not coming back?
Let’s say I’m not particularly looking forward to that.
He’ll start off supportive, say all the right things, make it sound like he understands. But when that doesn’t work, and he realizes he can’t talk me back into a plane, he will flip like he always does.
He’ll find ways to blame me for everything. Again.
God. I don’t even want to think about it. The shouting, the way he twists everything I say until I barely recognize myself.
It always ends the same, with me giving in and feeling fucking miserable.
I look to my left, and it instantly calms all those fears.
All that shit can wait.
