The newspapers had called it a miracle. I’d walked away without brain damage, but the resident wasn’t so lucky. He’d lost his residency for disobeying protocol.
We visited him and gave his sister a CD signed by all of us.
Jay will take care of him. He’s one of us now.
But I haven’t touched alcohol or drugs since, because the silence is gone.
You’d think that would be a good thing, right? In a perfect world it would be, but here’s the problem: that short visit to wherever the fuck we go took away all my feelings. I don’t feel anything at this point. No joy, no anger, no sadness, no euphoria. Nothing. Just this blank, hollow numbness that has taken over my brain.
For an artist like me, that emptiness is torture as well.
Inspiration doesn’t come from a void. Songs don’t write themselves.
The well has run dry, and I don’t know if it will ever fill again. I guess time will tell.
I don’t notice the pickup stopping until Calvin kills the engine.
“We’re here,” he says, taking the keys out of the ignition.
I glance out the window. Arcadia is definitely giving resort vibes. The white walls almost hurt my eyes, and there are orange hibiscus flowers and palm trees lining the path toward the lobby.
It sure looks beautiful, but it feels fake, like they’re trying way too hard to sell the healing vibes. Standing here, I can’t shake the feeling that there’s something wrong with Arcadia. It feels too perfect to be true.
I stare into the distance, focused on the dry shrubs where something rustles. Is that a reptile? It looks like a wingless mini dragon.
“You ready?” Calvin asks.
I nod, but if I really am, why do I remain frozen in my seat?
“I heard Effy’s pregnant…”
I nod again, because what the hell am I supposed to say to that? This is the conversation I’ve been avoiding with everything I’ve got.
“I assume Jay’s over the moon?”
Still nothing from me.
I keep staring at the shrubs, pretending they’re the most fucking interesting thing I’ve ever seen.
“How do you feel about it?”
Oh fuck. I launch myself out of the pickup, tripping over my own feet on my way to the trunk.
“If she’s happy, I’m happy.”
I know it’s weak, but I hope Calvin gets the hint. I really don’t want to answer questions about Effy.
I feel Calvin’s hand on my shoulder. That’s the best support possible right now.
We unload my bags and head to the lobby.
Chapter four
Yosh
That sound? It’s called silence. Just the way I like it. No distractions, no noise. There’s only the sound of the watering system dripping outside my studio and the soft breathing of Anya on the table. The scent of rosemary from the massage oil fills my nostrils. This is my safe space from everything that makes me want to rip my hair out.
And let me tell you, I almost did this morning.
