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“I guess I don’t. I didn’t realize your past had marked you so deeply until recently. I thought I was protecting you from possible political surveillance and exposure for harm or gain depending on who was targeting you. Once I saw that you had demons I cared too much by that point to scare you, or have you hurt by it. I only wanted to protect you and keep us together.” I spoke to her face, so close to mine, soaking her molecules in with every breath.
“I know, Ethan. I get that now.” She moved back fully into her seat. “But you still don’t know everything.” She looked away out the window again. “You won’t like hearing about it. You may not…want…to be together after you know.”
“Don’t say that to me. I know precisely what I want.” I reached for her chin and tugged her my way. “Let’s get some food in you and you can tell me whatever you need to say. Yeah?”
She nodded just slightly in that acquiescent way she’d mastered—the look she was giving me made me utterly insane for her to the point my possessiveness surprised even me.
I knew she was hurting and afraid, but I also knew she was tough and that she would fight her way through whatever haunted her. It wouldn’t change how I felt though. In my eyes, she was my beautiful American girl and she always would be.
“I’m not going anywhere, Brynne. You’re stuck with me and you better get used to it,” I said. I kissed her on the lips and let go of her chin.
She smiled a half smile as I put the car in reverse. “I missed you so much, Ethan.”
“You have no idea.” I reached out and touched her face again. I couldn’t help it. Touching her meant she was really here with me. Feeling her skin and body warmth told me I wasn’t dreaming it. “Food first. You are going to eat something substantial, and I’m going to watch and enjoy every second of your beautiful mouth as you do. What do you fancy right now?”
“I don’t know. Pizza? I’m not exactly dressed for dinner,” she smirked, gesturing to her clothes. “You have on a suit.”
“How you’re dressed is the least of my concerns, baby.” I took her hand to my lips and kissed the soft skin. “You are beautiful to me in anything…or nothing. Especially nothing,” I attempted teasing.
She blushed just slightly. I felt the throb in my cock when I saw her reaction. I wanted her home with me so badly. In my bed where I could reach for her all throughout the night and know she was there with me. I wasn’t letting her get away again.
She once told me she loves it when I kiss her hand. And I know I cannot help myself. It’s hard not to touch and kiss her all the time because I’ve never been a person to deny myself much of anything I want. And I want her.
She mouthed a silent thank you but still looked sad. She probably dreaded our conversation but knew it had to be done. For her own sake she needed to tell me something hard and I would have to listen. If this is what she needed to do in order for us to move forward then I would hear whatever it was.
“Pizza it is then.” I had to let go of her hand to drive but I could manage it. Just barely. My girl was right next to me in my car. I could smell her, and see her, and even touch her if I reached out; she was that close to me. And for the first time in days, the constant ache in my chest had slipped away.
4
Candlelight and pizza are excellent with the right person. For me, the right person was sitting across from me and it wouldn’t have mattered where we were as long as we were together. But Brynne needed food and I needed to hear her story, so Bellissima’s would do as well as any other place.
We had a table in a dark, private corner, a bottle of red wine, and one giant sausage and mushroom to share. I tried not to make her uncomfortable by staring too hard but it was damn difficult not to because my eyes were starved for the view of her. Ravenous.
I did my best to be a considerate listener instead. Across from me Brynne looked like she was struggling with how to begin. I smiled at her and commented on how good the food tasted. I found myself wishing she would eat a little more but kept my mouth shut on that matter. I am sure I’m not a moron. I grew up with an older sister and the lessons learned from Hannah have definitely stuck with me throughout the years. Women don’t like to be told about what to eat or not eat. Best to just leave her alone and hope for the best.
She looked very far away in her head when she started telling me about her life, I didn’t like the sad body language nor the defeated sound to her voice, but those points were irrelevant.
“My parents split when I was fourteen. I didn’t handle it well I guess. I’m an only child so I suppose I reached out for some kind of validation or maybe it was to get back at them for the divorce. Who knows, but bottom line? I was a slut in high school.” She lifted her eyes to mine, steely grey and determined to get her point across. “It’s true, I was. I didn’t make great choices in the boys I dated and I didn’t care about my reputation. I was spoiled and immature, and very stupidly reckless.”
Really! First surprise of the night. I couldn’t imagine Brynne like that and didn’t want to either, but the pragmatic side of me realized most everyone had a past, and my girl was no different. She picked up her wineglass and stared into it like she was remembering. I didn’t say anything. I just listened and soaked in the sight of her so close to me.
“There was this news story that went viral in California a few years back. A sheriff’s son made a video of a girl at a party. She was passed out drunk when him and two of his buddies fucked her and toyed with her on the pool table.”
I felt the hair on the back of my neck rise up. Please, no. “I remember that,” I said, forcing myself to listen and trying not to react much. “The sheriff tried to suppress evidence against his son but it leaked out and the motherfuckers got convicted anyway.”
“Yeah…in that case they did.” She looked down at her pizza and then back up at me. “Not in mine though.”
Her eyes got glassy and suddenly I didn’t feel like eating either.
“I went to a party with my friend Jessica and we got drunk of course. So drunk I don’t remember anything that happened until I woke up and heard them laughing and talking about me.” She took a big gulp of wine before she continued. “Lance Oakley was—is—a total asshole, entitled, rich deviant. His dad was a California state senator at the time. I don’t know why I ever went out with him. Probably because he merely asked. Like I said before, I didn’t make good choices with my behavior. I took risks. That’s how much I didn’t care about myself.”
I hate this.
“He was away at college and I was in my senior year of high school. I guess he felt entitled whenever he came home that I would be around for him but we weren’t exclusive by any means. I know he cheated. I guess he just expected I would pine away waiting for him to come home from college and be his convenience. I did know he was mad at me for going out with another boy I met at a track meet, but not how cruel he would be because of it.”
“You were track and field at your school?” I asked.
“Yeah...the running.” She nodded and looked into her glass a
