That is not why you’re here!
But I mean you are here, though…
By the time he made it back, I had us a cute little spread of popcorn, fruit, and chocolate ready, along with a headful of nasty thoughts.
“Why do you have a fridge full of fruit if you don’t even eat it like that?” I asked.
“You do,” he said simply as he leaned over me and used his mouth to steal the strawberry I held between my fingers. I froze, watching him grab the tray of snacks and walk off towards the living room.
Don’t fuck him, Amaya! No, bitch!
I got my shit together and grabbed our drinks before following him to where he was already sitting on the couch. I tried to keep it platonic and sit as far away from him as possible, but his ass literally got up, moved everything to my side and pulled me onto his lap. Our bodies fell in sync with one another as I started rubbing his waves and beard and his hands once again found their way under my clothes to my waist.
“You wanna talk about it?” I asked.
“I hate that nigga,” he grumbled, grabbing a chunk of watermelon and offering me a bite before he popped the rest in his mouth.
“He seems… easy to hate,” I answered, doing the same with the popcorn.
“I lived down the street from him growing up… Do you know how fucking shitty of a parent you have to be to live in the same city as your own seed and still not have a relationship with him? I got the whole hood telling me how I look just like my pops and shit, and how much of a legend he was… they knew more about the nigga than me.”
“I'm sorry,” I settled into his hold and continued to rub his head. “Some people are just shitty, parents or not. He doesn't deserve an ounce of your time or energy. That was his mistake, not yours, and clearly he feels dumb as hell thinking about the shit he put y'all through.”
“Only because now there's money and fame involved. He never gave a fuck until I started getting looks for college, then he tried to hop on board for a meal ticket. For maybe a year, I knew what it was like to have an actual father, but the shit was all fake. I had a phase during my freshman year where I wanted to quit. Trying to balance school and football got to be too much for me and I wanted to give it up. He told me to quit school instead and enter the draft. When I said no, the nigga cut me offagain. Said he couldn't fuck with someone dumb enough to throw away a goldmine for an education. Yes, I was technically an adult, but I was stillhischild. That nigga said that to his child.”
“Fuck him!” I spat, mad enough to smack the fire out of that man if I saw him again.
“The worst part was that in trying to have a relationship with him, I brought up old trauma for my mom. Part of me has never been able to forgive myself for that. My first memory I have of that nigga was him putting his hands on her. He smacked the shit out of her, andIcried for an hour seeing her hurt. I guess that was the wakeup call that she needed and we left that night—went back to my grandparent’s house. I was maybe three or four, but I can still see that shit vividly. I think that’s why I lost my shit today… I couldn’t protect her because I was little, but now I’m strong enough to protect everyone that I care about.”
“I’msosorry,” I whispered, placing a gentle kiss on his forehead. I lost myself in my thoughts for a moment because was he saying that he cared aboutmetoo?
“I'm over it,” he shrugged, looking off, but the expression on his face made me want to cry.
“You're not,” I said, pulling his face to look at me. “And that's okay. You don't have to be strong all the time. I see you.” We stared at each other until the eye contact got uncomfortable, then I quickly looked away.
“That'swildcoming from you, Toni.” He let out a low grumble, pulling my chin back to where my eyes were on him.
“What does that even mean?” I asked, brow raised.
“You won't let me close to you because of whatthatnigga did.” I frowned, wondering if he and Mona had been plotting against me, or if I was just that obvious.
“That’s not why,” I shook my head before lying through my teeth. “I told you, I can’t risk my career for something that probably won’t even last.”
“It will,” he argued, squeezing me tighter. “And I’d never ask you to risk anything. Just let it cool off, then we pop out. We don’t have to answer any questions about any timelines. Let people think what they want. I got you.”
“You’re persistent as hell,” I said and giggled.
“I’m determined. I'm tryna’ build something with you, and you runnin’,” he whispered, putting his lips to my neck and planting a kiss there before taking a deep inhale, like I was his favorite smell.
“We can't build, Chase. Iworkfor you. Even if we came out after the case was over, that would still look crazy as hell.”
“I don’t give a fuck how it looks. I’ll go on record to say whatever I need to say to make sure you’re good. I just want a chance, baby.”
“No,” I moaned softly. I wasn’t sure whose name he was writing behind my ear, but he had me melting, and my brain was completely mush. I immediately recanted my previous statement.
“I... I’ll think about it. We can't have sex until it’s over though. It's already fucking up my head.”
“If by fucking up your head, you mean it’s making your mean ass a little more tolerable? Then I agree,” he mumbled in between more kisses, this time attacking my lips.
