“You not gon’ eat, man?” Tahmir asked as he smashed his second plate of ribs, macaroni and cheese, and other assorted cookout foods. It all looked good, but I had camp in a few weeks.
“Nah man, I only allow myself one cheat meal a week, and Amaya made me Tuscan Pasta last night, so I’m restricted the rest of the week,” I answered.
“That was spaghetti!” Amaya said, pointing a correcting finger in the air.
“It was?” I mumbled as I thought back on whatever the hell that was that she served me, because ain’t no fuckin’ way that was spaghetti. “Oh…”
“Hold up!” Mona hollered. “Shecooked? And you…ateit?” she asked with her mouth wide open.
“MoMo,” Amaya said, shaking her head. “Don’t do this.”
“I mean…” I thought back to the meal. The pasta was a lil’… crunchy, and the meat was severely overcooked, apparently so overcooked that I couldn’t tell that it was beef, but the sauce was okay, and I was just so happy that my girl cooked for me that I didn’t even notice at the time. Amaya’s nostrils flared as she scowled at me and Mona smirked. “It was… good,” I lied through my teeth.
“Lie again! You know we can see you, right? I asked her to boil some water for me and she damn near burned my house down… and this was at her big age,now!”
“Really, Mona? I told you that was an accident!” she whined, and I couldn’t help but bust out laughing at how cute her mean ass could be sometimes. I resisted the urge to pull her in for a kiss, but as soon as I got her ass alone, those lips were mine.
“Chase, you being healthy is a part of how you make your living… Don’t play with your life like that again,” Mona scolded.
“Mo, get out this grown man’s business! As a man, we do certain things to keep our lady happy… just like I don’t change the song on the radio when you start singing, or bring up that time you almost died trying to smoke that cigar,” he said, making her shoot a crazy side eye his way.
“Haaaa!” Amaya stuck her tongue out.
“Keep playing with me, and I’m gonna need another car for my birthday!” She gave him a mean look, then immediately folded when he pulled her into his arms.
“Sweets,” he chuckled. “You know that since you said that, I’ma have to buy you one, right?”
“Tahmir, donotbuy me another car! I already have too many!” She laughed as she hit him playfully.
“My nigga, you just be buying cars every time she gets mad at you?” If I kept hangin’ with his ass, I’d be bankrupt by the end of the year because Amaya tried to break up with me every morning. Her hangry ass loved to talk shit, but as soon as she got some good food and good dick in her, we were back to our regularly scheduled program. I couldn’t afford to blow a bag every time her moody ass decided to get mad at me, so I had to find a happy medium because therehadto be something between flowers and vehicles.
“I mean, the car thing only happened once… well two cars at one time. Ireallyfucked up though. I wasn’t taking no chances on her changing her mind. Sh?—”
“Well, well, well,” a sultry voice interrupted from behind me. Amaya and Mona both huffed and rolled their eyes, and I knew without confirmation that this had to be the infamous Geraldine.
“I see you two brought somefineyoung men over here to seeme.” When I turned to face her, shocked was an understatement. When they warned us before, I justknewGeraldine would be an old hunched over, granny looking lady who smelled like White Diamond perfume and carried butterscotch in her purse. I was wrong, because the woman in front of us was nobody’s damn granny. The all-white long curly hair was the only giveaway that she was an elder, because Aunt Geraldine wasstacked.The titties and ass must have run in the family, and judging by the short shorts and fitted tank top, she knew she looked good.
Tahmir started coughing like he swallowed a sea urchin, and I knew he had to be thinking the exact same thing I was.
“Hi, Auntie,” Amaya huffed with a complimentary eye roll. This is Chase, and this is MoMo’s boyfriend Tahmir.”
“Ooh, nice to meet you both!” she cooed, shaking Tahmir’s hand. Her eyes honed in on me once she got the implication that I was the single one. By the time she got around to shake my hand, she held it so long that I got uncomfortable, and I could feel her undressing me with her eyes.
“Nice to meet you too,” I said giving her a polite smile as I wrangled my hand from her grasp. I already knew I was gon’ have to hear Amaya’s mouth about this later, but I was innocent. Her freaky ass auntie was the one looking like she wanted to suck my shit from the back.
“So, I knowyouplay football,” she said, rubbing her hand over my chest, “But you look like you have a beautiful sack too,” she said, rubbing her other hand across Tahmir’s beard.
“I…what?” Tahmir’s eyes went wide and I think that may have been the first time I saw him speechless, hell, I was stunned too.
“I mean, you definitely have a nicetight endon you,” she purred before literally reaching down to feel for herself. She literally smacked that nigga on the ass with her other hand still lingering on my chest. I couldn’t tell whether I wanted to fight or flight, but a nigga was scared. First of all, Geraldine was looking at me like she wanted to turn me out worse than Pearl ever could.Second, because my girl—who I had to pretendwasn’tmy girl—was about to shoot the fuck out of me, her auntie, Tahmir, and anyone else in the vicinity. When I saw Amaya reaching for her purse, I knew shit was about to go left.
“Geraldine, what the fu—” Mona started but was cut off when Ana came over to collect her older sister.
“Sis,” she said, immediately pulling her away from the line of danger. “Can you come help me over here with this food?” I knew instantly that this had to be a tactic to keep the peace, because the two things we were told not to accept from Geraldine under any circumstances were pussy, or any food items she helped prepare. Once she walked her thick ass off, and I could breathe again, I looked back at Amaya with a guilty expression on my face.
“So, that’s what the fuck we do?” she huffed. “You just wait until I meet your people, I’m giving your uncle a lap dance!” she snapped.
“Shit, my only uncle is eighty-three years old, baby. With all that ass, you’d probably give that nigga the ride of his life… it would also probably be his last,” I chuckled. She didn’t.
