Liam shook his head and then lay down, rolled to his side, and wrapped his arm around Josh’s stomach.“Good to know,” he said grimly.Then he chuckled.“Also good to know is that he won’t be here tomorrow morning, after we eat and brush our teeth.”
“Why?”Josh asked in all innocence, thinking about doing some research for the meeting being planned at his parents’ house.
“Butt stuff,” Liam said harshly, proving he reallyhadbeen awake for most of Josh and Grace’s conversation.
Josh choked on a laugh and then… oh…thoughtabout what that meant.He must have made a sound because Liam cuddled closer and breathed in his ear.“You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”he asked.
And Josh was—about the newness and the sensations and about the trust and about….
“Yeah,” he whispered.
“Good,” Liam said, nuzzling his ear.“I will protect Grace with my life, Josh Salinger, but remember that there’s some stuff that’s only meant for you and me.”
“Understood,” Josh said, pleased with the boundary.His eyes were closing while his body tingled, and he knew he’d have good, rousing dreams.“Love you, Liam,” he murmured, not aware he’d jumped months of romantic interaction with one phrase.
“Love you too, Perfect Boy,” Liam said, laughter evident in his tone.
He wanted to say, “I’m not perfect,” but he was so much more than asleep before he could even get the words out.
Counting Stars
LIAM HADplanned his trip to Chicago weeks in advance.While he and Josh hadn’t been writing anything personal to each other, hehadbeen on the email chains that followed the strategy meetings for luring Kadjic to the area, and he’d known the night before would be important and possibly dangerous.
Still, waking up with the sun streaming through the blinds of Danny’s pied á terre in Chicago instead of Liam’s own dusty flat in London took some adjustment.
Feeling Josh’s fingertips dancing across the skin of his shoulders was perhaps the most mind-blowing adjustment of them all.
Yes.Yes, we did that.We even said big important words.Come on, Liam my boy, it’s time to make that shit stick.
He’d never wanted anybody like he’d wanted Josh Salinger.Not just the lithe body and the dancing brown eyes, but the entire package.
Listening to Josh disclose intimate details to Grace over doughnuts might have been a bad moment if Liam hadn’t known it for an important one.If Grace knew,everybodyknew (although hopefully not about Alec Lawson, because dear God!), and if everybody knew, that meant Josh was as committed as Liam was.
“I don’t think you understand,” Josh was saying fractiously, bored with resting in the berth but half asleep again already.“Yes, I want to get better because I want more goddamned life, right?But I… I’m the hope of my family, do you understand that?”
“I’m the oldest of six, Josh.I’ve been helping my mother pay rent since I was fourteen.Of course I get it.”
But Josh shook his head.“No, you get pressure.And….”His scowl softened.“And you get pain.I’m so sorry.Because that sounds hard.But… but you told me your little sister, Tanda, the whole family was rooting for her to go to university, right?”
Liam nodded, thinking he hadn’t reckoned on Josh’s steel-trap brain remembering all of Liam’s random conversation.“Yes,” he said slowly.“She aced her O levels—she’s going to go far, be a barrister, I think.”
“So the whole family is looking at her, thinking, ‘Life’s been hard.It’s hurt.And we’ve lost things nobody will ever know about, but if only she can make it, it will all be worth it.’Tell me I’m wrong.”
Liam had swallowed then and vowed to go home and write Tanda and tell her how proud he was of her and how he’d understand if she chucked the whole barrister idea and became a roadie for her favorite band.
“You’re not wrong,” he said through a dry throat.
“Well, I don’t have all your brothers and sisters.But I’ve got three parents who sacrificedeverythingfor me.I have an uncle who relocated his business, practically so he could be near me.My mother, yes, but Leon’s a good guy, and he loved his brother, and he is sincerely trying to be my family.And… and I shanghaied Hunter and Chuck into my little circle of friends, and Carl joined up on his own, and they brought boyfriends and old friends, and Stirling, Molly, and Grace and I have been ride or die since grade school, and even Tienne, who didn’t want anything to do with us for a while, fell in love with Stirling and… do you see?Me, breathing in and out, got all this together, and then I threatened to die on everybody.”
“And stop breathing in and out,” Liam supplied, his own heart feeling sickly and stuttering thinking about it.
“And I can’t do that,” Josh said.Liam watched his amazing brown eyes grow shiny and red-rimmed.“I can’t.Even when I want to sleep, I have to remember I can’t sleep forever, because I.Am.My.Family’s.Hope.”
Liam nodded, understanding the pressure now.“And you don’t want me to add to that,” he said, the pain of needing to step back almost unbearable.
Josh had let out a little sob then.“Just hold my hand,” he whispered.“I can do it if you help me.”
And Liam had held his hand as he’d slept, still twitching because chemo did all sorts of damage as it healed.
