I think of the little three-room house where I lived with my family. Just a bedroom for my siblings and me to share, a small kitchen, and a sitting area that also served as my mother and stepfather’s bedroom. We certainly didn’t have running water or even indoor facilities. When the proprietor mentions flushing toilets, I’m not certain what to think. I never knew such inventions existed. Or perhaps they aren’t really inventions at all, but luxuries powered by fae magic.
My wonder deepens as Merak guides me further into the suite, but so does my sense of guilt. There is more food here than I’ve ever seen in one place before. Does my family currently have enough? When I was whisked away from Braemar, the city was still in lockdown. If that’s still the case, my stepfather won’t be able to go fishing or check his traps in the forest. What if my family is going hungry?
My wonder quickly gives way to a deep, aching guilt. Also, shame. My family is probably worried sick about me, and they might not have enough food to sustain them. Yet here I am, holed up in a lavish suite with a highborn fae male, surrounded by food, soft places to sit, and a view so beautiful it takes my breath away.
Knowing they might be suffering, I can’t help but worry it would be wrong to enjoy any of this. I look away from the windows and stare at my feet while Merak speaks to the proprietor and pays for the books. I tune out their words and wish I were back in Braemar. Even if I were starving alongside my family, at least we would be together.
When I hear the clicking of the door closing, I finally glance up to find Merak staring at me with a look of worry. He sets the books on a table, then leans down slightly, brings my hand to his lips, and places a soft, lingering kiss on my knuckles. Afew heartbeats pass, then he finally lowers my hand, though he doesn’t let go.
“What troubles you, my dearest?” he asks. “Is the suite not to your liking?”
“No, the suite is fine. Honestly, it’s the most lavish space I’ve ever beheld, but…” My voice trails off. Should I tell him the truth? Should I admit that I’m thinking about my family?
“But what?” he prompts, his tone patient and gentle.
My throat burns, though I’m not sure why.
Perhaps it’s because I feel vulnerable in front of him again.
I draw in a long breath as I consider how to explain the sudden turn my mood has taken.
“As you know, I don’t come from a wealthy family. Seeing all this luxury, and all this food,” I say with a gesture at the kitchen, “makes me worry for my family, and I can’t help but feel guilty knowing that they might be starving right now, but I’ll go to bed with a full stomach. My stepfather was a fishermen, and he also trapped animals in the forest, but the city is in lockdown and?—”
“Braemar is no longer in lockdown,” he interrupts, giving me an earnest look. “Not only has trade resumed, but hunters and fishermen are allowed to leave the city. The Winter Court army is no longer occupying Braemar. Just the newly appointed warden and the one hundred soldiers who were left behind to help keep order. The bulk of the army moved on several days ago.”
Relief rushes through me. The lockdown has been lifted. Oh, thank the gods. That means my family isn’t starving. I exhale a long breath and suddenly feel a wave of exhaustion. I cover a yawn and blink heavily.
“That is good to hear,” I finally say, and my guilt lessens somewhat.
Merak studies me for a moment, then leads me into a large bathing room. I can’t help but gape at the polished silverfixtures, the pipes that hold water, the large basin and tub, and the rows of soaps and other toiletries.
But when I step in front of a mirror, I gasp at my reflection.
Gods, I look truly frightful.
My hair is greasier and more matted than it’s ever been, and my face is splotched with so much dirt that I barely recognize myself. The cloak I’m wearing and the dress beneath also appear more threadbare than when I was whisked away from Braemar.
My face heats with shame knowing that I look like a street urchin.
Logically, I know I can’t help it.
It’s not my fault the deserters dragged me halfway across the realm and didn’t allow me to bathe for a full fortnight, but still…
I can’t help but feel shame as I stand next to Merak.
Despite his savage appearance, he’s clean and smells freshly bathed, though I can’t help but wonder if the latter is due to his fae magic.
Merak meets my gaze in the mirror. He’s still holding my hand and standing very close. I flush with shame anew when I consider how badly I smell. And he held me in his arms the whole way here…
I look away from him and hold my breath, wondering if he plans to leave me alone. If he insists on staying in the bathing room while I clean myself, I am not sure what I will do. I want to get clean, but I don’t want to take my clothes off while he watches.
But he’s my master.
Will he believe he’s entitled to watch simply because he owns me?
I shiver at the thought.
“I will get the bath started for you, my dearest,” he murmurs softly, “and then I will leave you alone. You may take as much time as you wish. The proprietor is tracking down somereadymade dresses for you, as well as other clothing items, but in the meantime…”
