“Well, if he’s up for the McPherson Genius Award, it must be like, the most important stuff about dirt ever. Because this is a really big deal.”
I shoot Liz a scathing look. “This isn’t helping.”
“Sorry. I’ll try again. I’m sure he’s a total douche canoe.”
“That’s better.”
She sits back, nodding toward the TV. “Okay,Emma?”
“Yes.Emma.”
She pauses, her thumb poised above the play button. “Just to be clear, my role as best friend here is to bad-talk Ramsey whenever possible and remind you that he’s a jerk. Right?”
“Yes.”
She looks around my living room, which, admittedly is still a wreck from all the cleaning I’ve been doing. “And possibly come over tomorrow to help you haul some of this shit to Goodwill?”
“Yes. That would be awesome.”
“Cool. Cool, cool, cool.” She starts the movie, but then pauses again before the opening shot even narrows in. “And I’m not supposed to encourage you to sleep with him?”
“No!”
“Not even just to get it out of your system? Like, you know, a stress relief?”
“No. Absolutely not.”
“Okay, just wanted to be clear here.”
“Now play the movie.”
Liz plays the movie, but despite the sweeping love story and gorgeous costumes and the wine and sweet dog on my lap, I keep thinking about Max Ramsey.
What is it about this guy that makes it impossible to get him out of my head?
He’s annoying and rude. He’s a huge, mean bear of a man. And because of his unruly hair and that obnoxious beard, I don’t even know what he looks like! I’ve only seen a four-inch swath of his face. So instead of enjoying the movie, I’m sitting here wondering if the right haircut would make those steely-gray eyes of his less intense.
Which is super annoying.
Because I have so many things I should be thinking about.
I have a plan. A detailed, long-running plan.
That’s one of the things about having ADHD. You need a lot of plans. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned about myself, it’s that when you have a plan, you have to stick to it. You can’t let your resolve waver. You can’t give yourself an out.
You’ve got to stick to the plan.
You don’t stick to the plan, you end up married to a jerk like Clive, moving halfway across the country to live in Texas with the hope it will save your marriage, even though it won’t.
And, yes, I’m happy with where I am in my life. I love my job. I’m happy living in Texas, and once I’m approved by the social workers, I’ll be one step closer to that family I’ve always wanted.
But the truth is, the last time I veered away from my plan, it took a lot of years for me to get my feet back under me. I don’t want to go through that again.
No. I won’t go through that again.
Not for a man like Max Ramsey.
The only question now is how do I transform Max Ramsey into a man the McPherson committee can’t resist while making sure that I can resist him?
