Perrin goes very still.
His smile doesn't disappear exactly, but it changes, becoming something more uncertain. He looks down at the table, then at his mug, then at the window, and the flush that had started to fade from his ears comes back with reinforcements.
"That's, um." He clears his throat. "Thank you."
"I mean it," I say softly.
I reach over and lay my hand over his. He goes completely still at the contact, looking down at my hand on top of his like he's not sure what to do with it, and I feel something turn over quietly in my chest.
"You're wonderful, Perrin," I say. "I hope you know that."
He lifts his eyes to mine then, and the look on his face stops me completely. It's so open and unguarded, and he's looking at me like he can’t quite believe I’m real.
The warmth of the moment lasts about three seconds before the guilt crashes in.
I look at this beautiful, kind, genuinely wonderful beta sitting beside me in the morning light, and I think about the storage tent. About his hands flying up like he was being held at gunpoint. About the way he tried to help me, and I repaid him by forcefully kissing him, then shoving my hand down his pants.
"I'm sorry," I blurt out before I can stop myself.
Perrin's brows pull together. "For what?"
"For what happened at the Morder." I swallow hard. "For forcing myself on you."
Perrin’s eyes go wide and soft all at once, like my words genuinely caught him off guard. Then the sweetest smile spreads across his face. The kind that starts slow and takes over everything, reaching his eyes last.
"Elowen," he says with a soft chuckle. “You didn’t?—”
"I did and I'm sorry." I force myself to look at him. "You were just trying to help me and I?—"
"It was the best thing that has ever happened to me," he says simply, and I stare at him.
He stares back, completely serious, and then the corner of his mouth starts to pull up, and I realize he means every word of it.
"Perrin," I squeeze his hand. “You can’t honestly think that. I mean, you were trying to help me and I assaulted you.”
"I mean it," he says without an ounce of humor on his face.
"I didn't even know your name, and I shoved my tongue in your mouth.”
"Also true."
"I basically climbed you like a tree."
"You did," he agrees, and that charming smile grows. "And it wasincredible." He says the last word like he’s savoring it, and a laugh escapes me before I can catch it, making Perrin laugh too.
I look at Perrin, loving his sweet smile and pink ears, and he obviously likes me—I hope—but that doesn’t excuse what I did.
The fact is, betas aren't like alphas or omegas. They move at a much slower pace.
Perrin is not a casual person.
I can tell. It's in the way he gets all bashful when he flirts, and the fact that he hasn’t even touched me even though he has every right to. This is a man who moves slowly and carefully through the world, who thinks before he acts, who probably agonizes over things long after everyone else has moved on.
And I practically dragged him into a tent and went feral on him without asking for permission.
My smile fades from my face. "I'm sorry," I say again, quieter this time. "What I did wasn’t right. My heat is no excuse, and I'm sorry for it."
Perrin goes very still.
