"It's love," she says, then she quickly adds, "Also annoying. Both things can be true at once.”
I look at her for a moment, at the notebook in her lap and the careful line of her mouth. She's been sitting in this room with me for three days straight, without complaint, managing my medications and my pillows and my increasingly unreasonable feelings about blanket texture.
"You've been here every day," I say.
"I know."
"You don't have to be."
She looks up at me. "I know that too." She holds my gaze. "But I'd never make you go through this alone."
She reaches over and places her hand on my knee, squeezing once, and the look on her face is so wonderfully warm and unguarded that something in my chest cracks open a little without my permission.
I stare at her hand on my knee.
Then at her face.
This woman showed up in our lives like a wrecking ball, and I have spent every minute since keeping her at arm's length, and she has sat in this room with me every single day anyway, and not once has she made me feel like a burden or an inconvenience or a problem to be solved.
The guilt hits me so fast and so hard that it actually makes my chest hurt.
"I've been a dick to you," I blurt out, fighting the urge to cry.
I fucking hate how crazy I sound right now.
Elowen looks up from her notebook so fast it's almost comical. "That is absolutely not true," she says, like I accusedherof something.
"It is." I shift against the pillows, my joints protesting. "Since the second you got here I've been." I wave a hand vaguely. "You know."
"Quiet," she says with a little smile. Giving me an out.
I can’t help but snort. “No. I’ve been mean,” I insist. “I even looked up online if a newly mated alpha and omega could separate," I say. "Like, break up. Whether it was medically possible."
Elowen stares at me for a second, then bursts out laughing. It's sudden and completely unguarded, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.
In the doorway, Perrin's expression does the opposite. His brows pull together and his mouth goes flat. He’s looking at me like I've just confessed to something deeply upsetting.
"Adam," he says like he’s disappointed.
"I didn't do anything about it," I say quickly. "I only looked."
"What did it say?" Elowen asks, still smiling.
“Nothing,” I mumble, feeling a little embarrassed for admitting it.
“You are ridiculous,” Perrin says as he moves closer to the foot of the bed.
"In my defense, I was having a very bad day."
"It's okay." Elle reaches up and smooths my hair away from my forehead. Her hand feels so cool against my skin. "You're allowed to be upset, Adam.” She pressed the back ofher hand to my cheek, clearly checking my temperature. “This whole situation landed on you without any warning."
"I'm the worst pack beta in the history of pack betas," I say, because once I've started, I apparently can't stop. "Betas are supposed to crave omegas. We're supposed to be nurturing and welcoming and excited about this kind of thing, and instead I've just been." I wave a hand weakly. "A pouty little baby."
Elowen tilts her head, considering this very seriously. "I mean," she says slowly, "you're not wrong."
I stare at her.
"The pouty baby part," she clarifies, nodding. "That part was pretty accurate."
