I scramble, grabbing everything I can with both hands. My vision swims with tears, and my chest heaves. I can't get enough air in and I can't stop crying long enough to breathe properly, and the pages keep slipping through my fingers because my hands won't stop shaking.
“I’m sorry,” I choke out, reaching for every tiny scrap of paper as fast as I can. “I’m so sorry.”
All of this is my fault.
"Hey." Adam is suddenly on the floor beside me. He doesn't say anything else. He just starts picking uplittle pieces of paper, handing them to me one at a time. His hands are steady where mine aren't.
Someone says something, but I can't hear it.
There's a loud rushing in my ears, drowning out everything except the sound of my own breathing which has gone ragged and wrong.
I reach forward, picking up a small photo, and the room tilts slightly.
I can’t breathe.
Each breath is shallower than the last, and I can feel myself coming apart at the seams.
Three years of holding it together is coming undone on the floor of my own apartment and I can't stop it. The tears keep coming, harder now, ugly and uncontrolled, and I hate the wailing sounds I'm making.
"I've got it, omega" Perrin says, as warm hands wrap around mine, taking the papers out of my grasp. I don’t want to let them go, but everything slips out of my fingers anyway.
Raff murmurs something, and I think I can hear Adam’s worried voice.
Then two hands slide under my arms from behind, and I'm lifted, clean and easy, off the floor.
Cliff.
His arms close around me, and he takes my weight completely, and I let him. A low, steady purr starts in his chest, so deep I can feel it vibrating against my cheek before I even register the sound. It moves through his body and into mine everywhere we're touching, and I can feel him pushing something soft and steady through our bond.
It’s the feeling ofsafeandhereandI have you, over and over like a tide coming in.
And my body melts.
Every tight muscle releases all at once, and I push my face into the curve of his neck, breathing him in. Dark chocolate and smoked cedar filling my lungs until there's nothing else left.
"Okay," he whispers, low and soft, against my hair. "It's time to go home."
Back Home
Perrin
“Here you go.”Adam walks into the living room, holding a glass of water in both hands. He moves toward Elowen on the long arm of the couch, then he sits on the edge of the coffee table right in front of her. His knees almost touch hers. “Take a drink.” He leans forward slightly and brings the glass to her lips, tilting it just enough.
Raff leans forward as she drinks, watching her, while Cliff sits on her other side, his face lined with deep worry as he tracks every small movement she makes.
The omega hasn’t said much since we got back from her apartment. She’s been staring off at nothing, her hands limp in her lap.
"Hey," Raff rests his hand on the back of her neck as Adam pulls the glass back. "You're safe with us." He dips his head, finally meeting her eyes. "No one is going to hurt you. Okay?"
Elowen nods, but it's the small, automatic kind that doesn't mean much.
"I mean it," Raff says, and she nods again, then looks back down at her lap.
“One more, omega,” Adam brings the water to her lips again, and Elle takes one more tiny sip.
“Thank you.” She tries to smile at Adam, but it’s incredibly weak.
Adam whispers something that sounds like “no problem” then he stands and moves around the coffee table. He settles onto the couch beside me, close enough that his arm presses against mine. He doesn't say anything about it, but he doesn't have to. This is simply how we've always worked. When things get a little overwhelming, Adam finds me, and I let him press in close, and whatever is wound too tight inside him starts to loosen.
