Ro’s tears wet Thane’s shoulder.
“Our son loves us very much, Ro. He wouldn’t go against us just to make a point. But he would move toward something he felt was right. He’s choosing Silas because he sees him. Probably because he values the hard work Silas has put in.”
Ro’s laugh is watery. Sad. “So I’m not supposed to take it personally?”
“Darling, I would never tell you how to take a damn thing. But I need you to see if you can find some separation between Junior and Senior. Sy—our Sy—could’ve become like Blake. Instead, he takes all the things he was made to be, even thedarkest parts of himself, and he uses them for good. He works with the team to root out organizations like the ones Blake built. Which, when you really think about it, is admirable. Brave, even.”
“Do you really believe that?”
“Yes.” Thane takes a deep breath and lets it out. “His presence has always disturbed me. His discovery is one of those things I wish I could unsee. Of all the monsters we ever encountered, I was never more terrified than when I saw him on the screen, blood dripping from his chin. The memory of his eyes still sends a shiver through my soul. It’s like Oppenheimer with the atom bomb, you wish you could uncreate something. But we didn’t create Silas. And we didn’t put him down. And we couldn’t abandon him. We made sure he had the best parents available to him, and in return, he’s done everything he can to be something good in the world. I also don’t think the circumstances of his birth mean he should forever be alone.”
“But does it have to be our son?”
“No. But Oakley doesn’t do a damn thing he doesn’t want to. He never has. This is not a sacrifice for him. If he wants Silas in his life, it’s not out of a sense of duty or charity. Helikeswho Silas is.”
The silence in the car is an entire conversation.
“I don’t know what to do. I’m just so terrified for Oak.”
Thane puts the car into Drive. “I know. We’ll figure this out. Somehow.”
20
SILAS
Cupcake stays gluedto my side as Oakley gets dressed.
Neither of us says anything.
He’s a good man who tried to see the good in me. He didn’t believe me when I told him there was no good to find.
I mean, he almost had me convinced I was worth a damn—for a moment.
At the very least, sex with him has been so much better than I’d imagined. He’s given me everything I needed, and maybe that’s all I can ask for. I can take the memory of this intimacy—this acceptance, brutality, and sweetness—with me.
I can make the memory last for the rest of my life if I have to.
Oakley is silent, somehow smaller, as he leaves. I want to call him back. Tell him I didn’t mean it. But I love him too much.
More than I loved the fear in Ronan’s eyes, which is saying something.
I like scaring people. Ilikedthat showing Ronan the black-eyed child all grown up terrified him. I loved that I couldsmell his fear. That acrid tang of adrenaline and sweat. The activation of my prey drive.
That’s as true as my feelings for Oakley.
In the end, I’m grateful Ronan didn’t run.
I would have controlled myself—Ialwayscontrol myself—but Oakley would have seen me. Seen that desire to chase. To maim.
To kill.
I take a shower, Cupcake right outside the stall. I scrub off the evidence of our time together, wincing at my still-stretched hole. Proof of how well he’s taken care of me.
This is what happens when you want things.
It makes me wish I were a psychopath. It would certainly hurt a lot less.
I wrap my towel around my waist and return to my room, Cupcake hot on my heels. I inhale deeply. It’s my favorite smell in the world, the heady combination of sex and fear and sadness.
