I’ve been attracted to patients before. As I admitted to Sadie, I’ve dealt with countertransference plenty, but never to this degree. Never with this much intensity, desire.
And I have never submitted to those desires. Never once allowed it to go as far as what transpired in my office today.
I close my eyes and fall to the bed. My skin still tingles, still feels heated from his touch. I was more than tempted to stay lost in that moment of ecstasy, to open myself up and risk too much…and that’s the danger.
That’s why I’m leaving early for New Castle. To put six-hundred miles between me and Grayson, and then get this trial over with.
My phone chimes on my nightstand.
I frown at the lighted screen before I roll over and answer. “Dr. London Noble.”
“Yes, Dr. Noble. This is Attorney General Richard Shafer. Do you have a moment to talk?”
I sit up. “I do, yes. How can I help you, Mr. Shafer?”
“I just wanted to extend the proverbial welcome mat,” he says, his deep voice professional, “and make sure you received the material my office forwarded over to you.”
I clear my bangs from my eyes. “Thank you, I did. Although I didn’t realize you’d be heading up the prosecution yourself.” My laptop rests at the foot of the bed. I pull it toward me and flip the screen open.
Honestly, between completing Grayson’s evaluation and our sessions, I have yet to actually look at the evidence. Another psychologist would argue I’m subconsciously avoiding, unable to cope with the probable outcome of Grayson’s trial, and that could be true.
As the Attorney General proceeds to explain why he’s heading up this case personally, I take a moment to glance over their evidence. The prosecution has their own expert witness, a local therapist specializing in the criminally insane, who is set to testify that Grayson will be a danger in prison. To himself and to others.
I scoff.
“I’m sorry?” Mr. Shafer interjects.
“I appreciate your personal convictions regarding this case,” I recover quickly, “but presenting expert testimony claiming Grayson Sullivan poses a danger while incarcerated? Mr. Shafer, with all due respect, he’s spent over a year in prison without a single disciplinary infraction. He’s been a model inmate.”
The lawyer clears his throat. “Yes, a model inmate…in solitary confinement. With little to no interaction with other prisoners. New Castle Penitentiary doesn’t have the funding that Maine has, I’m afraid, to provide Sullivan with the kind of monitoring he requires.” He pauses a beat. “Dr. Noble, you’re a leading psychologist in your field. Your professional opinion carries significant weight in murder trials…”
My back flares with an annoying ache. Be wary of people who compliment too soon, before they even know you—they’re lowering your defenses in preparation for the strike.
“And wasn’t it you who stated that rehabilitation can’t truly be proven without first testing a subject in an unregulated environment?”
And there it is. He’s done his homework.
“So you can appreciate the state’s hesitancy here,” he goes on. “Sullivan is simply too untested, too much of a risk.” He releases an audible breath. “And then there are the families, Dr. Noble.”
“What about the families?”
“Did you know that the Supreme Court only recently overturned the ban on capital punishment in Delaware? Primarily in anticipation of this case. That speaks volumes, doctor.”
“It speaks to fear and ignorance, Mr. Shafer. In my professional opinion, Sullivan poses no threat within a controlled environment. Prison lacks the chaos he feels compelled to correct in the outside world.”
There’s a lengthy pause before he continues. “As a psychologist, I’m sure you understand the need for closure. These families deserve and need that closure.”
He’s set in his views. Nothing I say now or on the stand will change that. “I have the deepest sympathy for the victims’ families. I always strive to convey that during trials.”
“But this is your final stance.”
I square my shoulders. “Yes. I would be doing a disservice to my profession, otherwise.”
“I understand,” he says, his tone now sharp. “Well, thank you for your time, Dr. Noble. Safe travels.”
He ends the call before I can say goodbye.
With a deep breath, I set my phone aside and glance at the manila folder that holds Grayson’s evaluation.
