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Caleb
Too late for that, beautiful.
An out-of-body experience. Yeah, that’s what was happening to me right now in Brooke’s cottage on the island above the Fairchild Light. I was out of my motherfucking body and floating somewhere around the ceiling, staring down and wondering who the fuckhead was, sitting across from her, looking like he couldn’t remember his own name.
To be honest she didn’t look much better. She was as lovely as always, but I’d shocked the hell out of her, without a doubt.
I’d shocked the hell out of myself. The minute the words were out of my mouth, I knew I’d made a mistake and said too goddamn much. I’d scared her. I was supposed to be going slow. I fucked up. Again. Why are you such a dipshit moron? Why?!
She pulled her hands away from mine and covered her mouth. She just stared across the table at me. Shocked. And beautifully perfect, even with her hair kind of messy from the desperate-but-oh-so-hot wall fuck we’d shared. But her eyes—they were truly stunning right now as she blinked like she was trying to hold back tears again. The eyes still had the look of a satisfied woman who’d been ridden hard and loved every minute of it, though.
And even after the crazed wall sex, Brooke had gone further by making dinner with her precious hands, putting it on a plate, and serving me at the table. What in the actual fuck? I’d been the one shocked then, because I’d had no experiences like it before. No woman had ever done that for me.
Brooke had such a generous soul, and she’d done it all with happiness in her heart just because she’d wanted to.
I wished I’d been inside her when I’d said it.
“Don’t be scared of what I just said, okay? Just file it away somewhere and we can just keep doing . . . this.” I tugged on her hands and pulled them back into mine. “Nothing has to change.”
“Oh, Caleb . . . I—I don’t think I can—I—I’m not ready,” she said on a whisper, her eyes filling.
“It’s okay, baby. I know you aren’t ready, and I shouldn’t have thrown that at you like I just did. I apologize. I’m not expecting you to feel the same way. I do have a small bit of intelligence, and from what you’ve shared about your past, I realize it’s too soon for you. I get it. You don’t have to say anything right now. Just know that I spoke the truth. Okay? Can you—can you do that for me?”
“You know—you’ve seen—Caleb, I am a complete mess emotionally. You don’t even know me . . . how can it be the truth?”
“But what I just said—it wasn’t about you, Brooke. It was about me. It’s my truth, not yours. What I am feeling. And trust me, after thirty-one and a half years of knowing what love doesn’t feel like, I think I’m a goddamn expert at recognizing when the real thing comes along to rip right into my heart.”
She swallowed, making the skin at her throat flutter. “I’ve ripped right into your heart?”
“Uh-huh. Brutally. Savagely.”
“But I didn’t mean to,” she said sadly.
“I know, baby. That was just fate doing its thing. Brooke, it’s not about me expecting you to feel the same way. It’s just the reality of you . . . for me. I knew it the night you first spoke to me. I didn’t even know your name, but I’d already spotted you walking into your offices and knew of you. You are my fate personified. Your nan and my uncle are getting married, connecting you and me through their marriage whether we want it or not. That’s fate at work—can’t you see that? We were going to come together eventually, and I think my path to finding you was set in motion a long time ago.”
“Fate . . . for me, has always been something bad, Caleb. I’m scared of fate. Fate terrifies me.”
“Why, beautiful?”
“Because what we love can be snatched away in the blink of an eye. I can’t have any more of that kind of fate, because if I do it will be the end of me.”
“I know your heart has been horribly wounded, and you’re afraid to be vulnerable again. I don’t want to hurt you, Brooke. I just wanted you to know my feelings, and I’ve realized just now, that even if you never feel the same way about me, it still won’t change anything. I will feel the same about you as I do right now.”
“Caleb, I thought you just wanted to enjoy each other the way we have been . . . the sex . . . it’s very wonderful. You are the most wonderful and lovely man. I have to pinch myself when I’m with you, because I think you’re too good to be true . . . and I can’t understand why you even want me. There’s more you don’t know about me, Caleb. I am not from your world and will never be accepted in it.”
“I don’t care, and I would happily come and be in your world with you, if that’s what it takes.”
“You cannot mean that.” She was doing her best to push me away, but I sensed there was still some hope for me. I’d laid it out on the table for her, and hopefully she’d take it at face value when she was ready.
“Oh, I mean it, and I have the ability to make it happen. Watch me.”
“I don’t care for this arguing,” she said stubbornly.
“I don’t care to be told I cannot own my feelings.” I finally snapped and asked the question. “Do you want me to go? I can stay with my brother tonight and get back to Boston in the morning.” It would hurt like a bitch, but I would do it if she asked me to.
She eyeballed me.
I gave it right back to her.
