“Okay, maybe I don’t.” My throat feels tight. “I want to, though. Help me.”
“I don’t have time for this, Nate. Rounds are in an hour, and I’m already not off to a good start.”
“Should I stop seeing her?”
Her eyebrows shoot up then smooth into a neutral line. “You’d stop seeing your best friend, someone you’ve known since you were teens, for me?”
I nod. My throat dries at the thought of disappointing a friend who’s cried on my shoulder and relied on me for all things big and small. I would, though. No question about it.
Robyn shakes her head. “I appreciate the sentiment, Nate. But that’s not the relationship I want. She’s supposed to be your friend, and you’d just shut her out? It’s just not right. It’d hurt me if Julian did that.”
I’m flailing. I can understand her frustration. I don’t even know what we’re fighting about anymore.
“You’re more important,” I say, desperate, useless.
She shakes her head and steps back. The distance is small, but it wrecks me.
“What do you need from me?” slips out before I can stop it.
I’ve never been this person, not to Robyn. This lost, confused, clueless manchild with no action plan.
She exhales, long and tired, already halfway out the door. “Look, I have to go. But answer me this…”
I nod, anything to keep her talking.
“Are you comfortable with me and Julian being close friends? Seeing each other every day?”
I don’t love the half-dressed part. I hadn’t really thought about it before last night… but strangely, yeah. I’m comfortable with them. Hell, I buy the guy coffee.
She studies me for a second, eyes softening just a fraction. “Then you need to think about what Julian and I do anddon’tdo that helps our friendship still feel okay with you.”
Her voice drops, almost weary. “I want you to think about what boundaries you have with Tessa.” She exhales. “What I don’t want is you ending a friendship because you think… I don’t even know why you’d think I’d want that.”
With that, she grabs her purse, and we leave. I drive her even though the silence isn’t the normal comfortable quiet of a sleepy morning ride. Dawn light illuminates her face when she steps out of the car at the corner of her hospital. Every curve and angle shining, otherworldly.
I should say something, anything. I’m supposed to be this big eloquent architect, and when it counts, I’ve got nothing. She doesn’t kiss me goodbye, but she thanks me quietly.
As she walks to the staff entrance, Julian falls into step with her, side by side. They smile at each other, warm but effortless. No hug. No lingering looks. Just two friends who don’t need to make a show of how close they are.
Andrzej and I could have done that exact same sequence. It makes me wonder if I’ve been mistaken for a very long time.
The office hums around me,keyboards clicking, and some people drawing on standing desks or critiquing proportions in murmurs that echo off the glass. I’ve been catching up all morning after taking yesterday off. My boss loves holding those licensure hours over my head. She doesn’t get that it’s time I gained with Robyn, and I don’t regret a second of it.
Try as I might to stay on the models spread across my desk, my mind keeps looping back to this morning. Robyn leaving the car, looking not quite mad just… disappointed. Because I freaking failed her. I can take anger. Disappointment sits quieter. It waits.For you to mess things up some more, you dumb fuck.
I roll my shoulders and refocus on the sketch in front of me—the angles don’t feel right. Nothing does. I’m halfway through erasing the planters for this outdoor landscaping one more time when the phone on my desk rings.
“Hey, Nate?” It’s Brianna, the receptionist, cheerful as ever, and I picture her curls almost bouncing with her tone. “Tessa’s here for your lunch break.”
I blink. I told her I wouldn’t go. That I couldn’t make it.
“Hey, Bri,” I say, smoothing the wrinkle between my brows. “Can you tell her today’s not a good day? Please make sure she knows I’ll be the one to reach out.”
By the time I noticed I’d spent a whole day sending Robyn nothing but thumbs-ups and one-word texts, I’d already decided I needed space from Tessa. That was Sunday. Before she even showed up unannounced at my place making it sound like we had some kind of lunch “clique” going. We’ve had lunchthreetimes.
Muffled voices filter through the receiver. “I’m sorry,Nate,” Bri says. “She’s on her way to you. Said she’ll only be a minute.”
Of course she is. Tessa has never liked being told no.
