“Yeah. See you at the bar later?”
He shrugs. “Maybe. Don’t think I’m in the mood tonight.”
“Want me to stay with you? Bring you food? We can watchFace/Off, turn it into a drinking game.”
He scoffs, but there’s no humor in it—just air forced through frustration. His mouth moves, but his eyes don’t follow. “You have plans with Daniel tonight.”
“Kind of,” I admit.
His gaze zeros in on mine, blue and gray swirling in his eyes. “Even if you move, you’ll be here, right? If anything important happens, neuro part aside…”
I stand and hold out my hand to him. He grabs my wrist without hesitation. “Without a doubt, Kells.” I squeeze his forearm. “I’m serious. You need me, Daniel can wait. You’re more important.”
He laughs once, dry and short. “Nah. Orgasms are more important. Just make me proud, yeah? Wrap it, don’t lick it?”
“You’re so gross,” I say, letting go of him and grabbing my bag.
When I look back, he’s still sitting there—hands clasped, elbows on his knees. His head is bowed, hair falling forward,and I almost say his name. I wonder if he’s caught in the same loop I am—hanging on to my control but wanting to feel something that isn’t loneliness, grief, fatigue.
Leaving the room without saying anything else, I watch him go around the corner before heading out in the opposite direction. The glass door swings shut behind me, muffling his deep sigh.
CHAPTER 16
The Mirror
Nate
It’s somehow beenseven weeks since Robyn left me by the crabapple tree next to the hospital benches, making it clear she wouldn’t wait for me. The end of her fellowship hovers like a deadline for a building that’ll be demolished if I don’t come up with the right design in time.
I’ve made no progress understanding the part of me that didn’t pull away from Tessa right away. I have nothing to offer there yet, and I don’t even know how to begin unpacking that monumental, misguided fuck-up. It’s easier to zone in on Tessa’s tight smiles and how she reacted to Mom’s questions. I’m getting the sinking feeling that Tessa knew what she did wouldn’t stand under Mom’s scrutiny. Because if the kiss, the posting all of it had been a mistake, it’d hold no matter how good Mom is at finding out how a story doesn’t hold up.
The echo of Robyn’s voice fills my head often, and it helps as much as it hurts. I may not have answers about why, but she’s right that I “blurred boundaries that should’ve beenclear.” So that seemed like as good of a place to start as any.Boundaries.And I couldn’t figure out what boundaries needed to be set until I confirmed if the posting of that video was truly an accident.
And right on cue, Tessa shows up during my lunch break. We’ve been friends, yes, but I never realized if I told her to leave me alone she wouldn’t. I almost told her to get lost again, but I have questions, so when she suggested we grab a bite, I just followed, keeping as much space as possible between us in the elevator, the hum of the machinery filling the silence. My head buzzes with everything about that stupid video that didn’t add up.
We sit across from each other at some half-empty bistro, the air smelling of burned sugar from an overused candle. The place is too upscale, too date-like. Even for a confrontation, this is thewrongsetting.
“Walk me through how that video ended up posted again?”
“I told you already.” She sighs, with shiny eyes. “It wasn’t—God, Nate, it wasn’t supposed to blow up like that. I clicked the wrong video, okay?”
Heat crawls up my neck.“What about the caption? What about your mom calling mine like we’re some kind of couple now?”
She laughs, waving her hand. “That’s ridiculous. Your mom obviously misunderstood mine. I did that trend with another guy and clicked on the wrong video. That’s where the caption came from.”
I lean forward.“You’re missing the point. I don’t care if you’re doing that trend with seventeen guys. You took something you had no right to, and my relationship blew up because of it.”
Her eyes harden. “Please. You had no relationship if that’s all it took for Robyn to stop fighting for you. She wasvery happy to have all this extra time to focus on her medicine stuff, wasn’t she?”
I exhale through my nose, nostrils flaring. “Robyn shouldn’t have to fight for me.” My voice rises before I can stop it. “I was her boyfriend. For two and a half years. We talked about moving in. Proposals. Kids. Robyn had every right to dump me. And you—” I slam my palm against the table. “You’re failing as my friend. Failing to apologize for humiliating her. For humiliating me.”
She stares wide-eyed, but not one ounce of guilt crosses her face. “Whatever. She even made out with a guy already, didn’t she?”
I lean back in the chair. “This is un-fucking-believable, Tess. I’ve been your friend. I’ve helped you, haven’t I?”
“Oh, please…” She crosses her arms over her chest, and I have no impulse to look anywhere other than into her angry green eyes. “Don’t pretend you didn’tlovehelping me. You love being the big guy in the room that can take care of problems. You guys broke up because she cared about her career and kissing her friend more than she cared about you.”
Looking into Tessa’s eyes, I see no trace of the girl from my childhood. Yes, her defiant eyes are glossy, and maybe deep down she is hurt I am holding a line when I never have. There’s no inkling to soothe her, though.I’ve done enough of blurring the lines.
