“Robyn—” His eyes are back on mine now.
“I need this.” My voice softens, and I don’t tear away from his eyes.
For a second, I lower every defense and let Julian see. Tears pool at my eyes almost instantly and my chin wobbles.
“Did you know I had lunch here with Nate once?” I tell him. “And the place across the street? And I’ve bought ingredients for one cake or another with him at the three grocery stores in my neighborhood?”
A tear rolls down my cheek. “Everywhere I look, I see him, either a moment we shared or a future we won’t have.”
I’d been so terrified of making a mistake that not only cost me my career here but his when it came to attending jobs. I let that fear swallow me whole, and now there is this gaping hole in my chest from him choosing to kiss his friend back… but I also feel relief it’s just my own career on the line every day at the hospital.
“I’m going to miss you, and I’ll come back. Team Neuro will happen. But right now? I want to leave.”
He inhales too sharply, and his left eye twitches before he’s able to school his features back into casual. We’ve been each other’s best friends for longer than anyone else. I get it, even if he doesn’t realize that I do. When Julian throws himself back in his chair, he nods. I raise my defenses back up, wiping at my cheeks, and the tension finally dissipates.
“So, tell me more about Daniel?”
I narrow my eyes at him but am glad we are moving on to other topics, then I finish off my water to stall. “What do you want me to tell you? That he doesn’t have a piercing?”
Julian’s mouth curls, sharp-edged, wickedly entertained. “Tsk, tsk.” He flicks a grain of rice off the table with dramatic precision. “Such a shame.”
We laugh together, the sound too loud for the tight space, but no one even looks up.
“Seriously,” Julian says, pulling out his wallet and dropping a crumpled ten-dollar tip onto the scratched table. “Daniel and Robyn. Is that a thing now?”
I shake my head. “I’m nowhere near ready,andI’m planning to leave.” I gather all our plates, stacking them on the tray.
“Are you going to tell Nate? That you’re leaving.”
I still my movements, and Julian takes the tray and stands; I follow as he dumps our trash, then slides the dishes into the plastic bins, sorting utensils and plates with his natural meticulousness.
Not telling Nate feels like I’m doing something wrong, but telling him feels like I’m admitting it isn’t over between us. It’s a lose-lose situation.
“I’m not hiding it from him, but I also don’t owe him anything.”
“So if he asks…?” Julian pushes open the heavy glass door for me.
We fall into step outside the restaurant. The wind is warm but restless, gusting under low-hung gray clouds that threaten a downpour. I think about it, and telling him is probably the lesser “lose situation”.
“I’ll tell him, but I don’t think he will ask. He’s with Tessa.”
Julian’s nostrils flare—his tell when he’s holdingan opinion hostage. “I don’t know, Robyn. I think, soon, things are going to click into place for him, and you’re going to find yourself with a man groveling at your feet.”
“And it won’t matter when I’m in a different state.” I rub my thumb along the strap of my bag, needing to change the subject. “Marisol sucks, by the way. She pointed out how weird we are as friends and then explained to me that it’d make any boyfriend cheat.”
He tilts his head, as if he’s deciding if he should push me on the Nate subject. “Can I punchher?” he asks, putting his hands in his pockets.
“No punching anybody.”
He scoffs. “Fine, but I’m dropping her like a bag of shit.”
“You shouldn’t if you like her, Kells.”
He shakes his head firmly. “You did it with Nate, remember? Set a boundary: me and our friendship were nonnegotiable, he was cool or he was out. Same for me.”
“Look how well that turned out. And especially if I’m leaving…”
“Nah,” he says, bumping my shoulder with his. “The right people for us will get our vibe.”
