“I don’t know, Nate. There’s all kinds of reasons why people cheat.”
I press the heel of my hand to my sternum in the space that’s still Robyn’s even if she isn’t with me anymore.Cheat.The word’s become inevitable.There’s no other name for what I did, is there?
“How do I make her see that I can do better, Mom?” The words scrape out of me. I press the back my hand to my eyes, hard, because if I don’t, everything in me is going to spill over. “She asked me for space—four months so she could focus on her program—but I don’t…” My breath stutters. “She finished three weeks ago, and I?—”
I choke on the rest. I’ve been counting the days until her schedule cleared. I booked a hotel for this weekend before all of this happened. Before I fucked up, and I still haven’t had the strength to cancel. My chest caves, thinking of the blue velvet box hidden away unused, of every reason I’ve given her to stop choosing me.
“Nate,” Mom’s voice cuts through when I’m almost about to hyperventilate. “I think it’s even more important that you ask yourself why it was so easy for you to get distracted from Robyn. Why do you want to put in the work to get Robyn back rather than?—”
“Rather than Tessa?” I finish for her, the words coming out raw.
Robyn didn’t leave me because she didn’t need me. I leftherbefore I became the one who was left.
“Your mind went there too, Nate. You’ve known that girl since she was thirteen, and you were there once to hold her while she cried, and you never let go… but you also never went for it. Why?”
Her question lands deeper than I expect. The truth hurts to admit. Yes, she asked me to do things for her, and once she leaned in and kissed me, I couldn’t stop noticing her. But deep down, I liked that someone needed me for every little and big thing. And the past month, I got lost in it. And now all I can think about is I never figured out a way to show Robyn sheisstill my choice, not in any way that’s about her needs and not my own.
But I know where to start now.
I don’t need Tessa in my life. I don’t need the noise or the excuses or the part of me that let her take up space where Robyn should have mattered more. I can’t be Nate the nice guy to Tessa anymore. There’s no world where I can show what Robyn means to me while being her friend. It isn’t Robyn’s request, it’s my decision.
A persistent poundon my door echoes in my apartment.When I open it, Andrzej’s fists hovers in the air, stopping just shy of tapping, well, me.
“Why the fuck didn’t you answer your phone?” Andrzej growls, and steps into my apartment without being invited, bumping my shoulder—the force doesn’t feel accidental.
“I turned it off… I needed to think.”
“Nate, the time for thinking, it’s fucking done. It’s been over for four months, and you’ve done nothing but mope and dance around what you did wrong.” He turns toward me, and the sun flaring behind him blurs everything except the hard line of his shoulders. The light catches around him, sharpening every edge, and I know whatever comes out of his mouth is going to hit hard.
“I told you to do something about Tessa.” His voice is tight, clipped, strung with anger he’s barely keeping inside. “And you’ve donenothingexcept pretend that ignoring her is the same as dealing with her.”
I curl my fingers into my palms. I want to defend myself, say something, anything, but I can’t remember any of the reasons that kept me from throwing Tessa out of my life.
Andrzej hurls his phone at me. My hands react before my brain does, catching it midair. The impact stings. The screen’s unlocked, a video paused on Tessa’s profile. The little circle on the middle of the right part of the screen only shows her back, but I know it’s her.
On her profile, a video. Notthatvideo. A new one. And I see it clear as day now. Nothing was an accident or a mistake. Her intention was always to harm.
My throat dries, as if all my regrets have turned to gravel I can’t swallow. My thumb hovers over the screen as it plays. It’s short, no more than fifteen seconds, but the captions, in this case, are worth more than the thousand images in those seconds. My pulse thrums in my ears, and my chest feels tight.
I could have prevented this.
“Has Robyn seen this?” I manage, though my voice barely comes out.
“I have no fucking idea.” Andrzej’s fists are clenched so tightly his knuckles have gone translucent. “She isn’t answering my calls or texts.”
“How long?” My jaw tics, the words grinding out.
“It says it was posted last night. I didn’t see it till this morning.”
I shove his phone into his chest and grab the jacket off the back of a chair, patting my pockets until I find my keys. Fumbling with my phone, I turn it back on, even as my hands shake.
I need to get to Robyn—she needs to know I had no idea Tessa’d do that. I check the time. I’ll go to her apartment first. Hospital afterward since she’ll probably be on shift. If she saw this—hell, even if she didn’t…
Andrzej steps into my path, eyes blazing. “Fucking fix this, dude.” His voice cracks with fury and something close to desperation. “She doesn’t deserve this bullshit.” He jabs a finger into my chest, the gesture sharp and accusing. “And then leave her the fuck alone, will you? All you had to do was put Tessa in her place.”
“And I did!” I yell out.
“And then you backtracked because you have to be Nice Guy Nate.”
