"You are correct," Lanek agrees evenly. "However, you are currently in violation of multiple municipal and federal statutes. Specifically, you are trespassing on private commercial property after business hours, which constitutes criminal trespassing under state penal code section two-forty-point-two-six. You are also attempting to unlawfully introduce a hazardous substanceinto a ventilation system connected to a food preparation facility, which violates federal health code section one-thirteen-point-ten, as well as the Clean Air Act provisions under title forty-two, chapter eighty-five."
My jaw drops.
Lanek continues, utterly unfazed by the men's growing alarm. "Additionally, that container you are holding bears a Class Three Hazardous Materials designation, which means transporting it without proper licensing and manifest documentation is a federal felony under the Hazardous Materials Transportation Act. The fine for that particular violation starts at twenty-seven thousand dollars per occurrence, with potential jail time of up to five years."
He pauses, tilting his phone slightly to get a better angle on the orange hazard label.
"Please proceed with your intended actions so I can provide this footage to the municipal health department, the Environmental Protection Agency, and the district attorney's office."
The silence that follows is deafening.
The first man's face has gone absolutely pale. The second one is staring at Lanek like he just sprouted a second head.
I'm pretty sure I'm doing the same thing.
"You... you can't..." the first man stammers.
"I can," Lanek corrects mildly. "This alley is partially visible from my commercial lease space, which grants me reasonable expectation to monitor and record any suspicious activity that may impact my business operations. Furthermore, as the leaseholder of the adjacent property, I have a vested financial interest in preventing environmental contamination that could trigger a joint health inspection of the entire building. My documentation of your criminal activity is entirely legal."
He lowers the phone slightly, though the recording light stays on.
"However, if you would prefer to leave immediately and take that improperly stored hazardous material with you, I will simply forward this footage to the authorities and allow them to issue the warrant for your arrest. You will likely be apprehended within forty-eight hours, assuming you remain in the state. If you flee across state lines, it becomes a federal matter, which substantially increases both the fines and the jail time."
The second man drops the crowbar entirely and takes a stumbling step backward.
"We were just... we weren't actually going to..."
Lanek raises one massive, unimpressed eyebrow.
"The video evidence suggests otherwise. I have clear footage of you attempting to remove a secured ventilation grate with a prying tool while in possession of a Class Three hazardous substance in an unmarked transport container. Any prosecutor would consider that sufficient proof of intent."
"Jesus Christ," the first man hisses, grabbing his companion's arm. "Let's get out of here."
They bolt.
The one holding the hazardous container nearly trips over his own feet in his haste to escape, clutching the sloshing plastic jug as he sprints toward the mouth of the alley. His partner abandons the crowbar entirely, racing after him.
Within seconds, they've disappeared into the street beyond, their panicked footsteps echoing off the surrounding buildings.
Lanek watches them go, his phone still raised and recording. He doesn't lower it until the sound of a car engine roaring to life reaches us, followed by the screech of tires peeling out.
Only then does he tap the screen, ending the recording.
The alley falls silent again.
I'm still standing there, frozen, gripping my marble rolling pin like a weapon I never got the chance to use. My heart is pounding so hard I can feel it in my throat.
Lanek turns slowly, his dark eyes finding mine across the shadowed space.
We stare at each other.
He just... he didn't fight them. Didn't threaten them. Didn't so much as raise his voice.
He used the law. He used words. He used the exact, specific statutes I didn't even know existed to completely dismantle their plan without laying a finger on them.
He played by my rules.
"Lanek..." My voice comes out hoarse, barely more than a whisper.
